Derek Kohlmeyer

I like squats and Busch light

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

Stop going out and partying you ignorant fucks, your ruining my "retire comfortably in aruba" 401k fund

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

@SCHWAK_51

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

@jurdan_lane @kenzee_marie @fmgBuck EVERY NIGHT 😒

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

@BalkNoah "You can unfollow me but you can't unswallow me" 😎

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

@HurdDakota Dat split doe

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

@kaleynicoleann @ktbagby @jurdan_lane

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

My dog is on the rag and idk how to have the talk. Do I tell her it's normal? That she's becoming a woman? Being a dad is hard.

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

Amazon is dangerous when you've been slamming lattes for 4 hours. Sayonara paycheck, but hellooooo sick ass boat

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

Jokes on you fuckers I just bailed a Nigerian prince out of jail so I'll be rich as soon as he wires me the money

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

Pumped for this album to drop, gonna be 🔥

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

I love my mortgage payments like yes, please, rape my bank account and reduce my chances of making it to Alaska this year. Why is life so expensive?

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

@jboogiewdahoody Broke motherfuckers

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

Ever been at a sketchy ass bar where you feel like you need to let the water run in the bathroom before you wash your hands so you don't contract AIDS?

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

@M_Schwake55 How unoriginal

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

@allieallspach If you put a whale in an in-home aquarium I'd scuba-pet shamoo a minimum of 3 times a week

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

@BreitbachNathan Talk about a hidden valley

[Bennett Folkers @BennettFolkers]

They’re biting today #ineedadollar

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

Yooo @jurdan_lane u cute

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

@SCHWAK_51

[phil @warmfourloko]

white guys during sex:

[2 min in] oh yeah you like that [c*ms] oh shit my bad [hits juul] sorry about the holes in my wall my stepmom pissed me off last week [waves at roommate through hole] ay what up travis

[Derek Kohlmeyer @kohlmeyer2121]

Am getting thirsty

[Johnni Sixx @JohnRuehs]

Due to my friend group, I refuse to get married until I can afford an open bar costing $40,000