Korry

Only here cuz a judge ordered me to do community service

[Korry @korryduke]

Spread my ashes over all the mistakes I’ve made

[Korry @korryduke]

When I publish my manifesto it’ll just be my recipe for perfectly smoked ribs.

[Korry @korryduke]

Nobody really prepared me for how much time I’d spend worrying about which lights are off and which are on at this point in my life.

[Korry @korryduke]

I really don’t ask for much in life but if people would stop posting videos of themselves trying to wipe Nutella off balloon knots to try and sell me a bidet, I would greatly appreciate it.

[Korry @korryduke]

Who decided that 3 is the number of times I should eat today?

[Korry @korryduke]

The only people left that can remember using a phone book can’t read type that small anymore.

[Korry @korryduke]

@jessecase Red lights are in front on the reindeer. Back of the car. I’ll never forget the day you taught me that.

[Korry @korryduke]

Anyone else getting excited about their day after Thanksgiving poop?

[Korry @korryduke]

Nothing strikes my interest more than overhearing something that’s none of my business.

[Korry @korryduke]

I’ve had The A-Team theme song in my head for the last hour and a half. How’s your mental health?

[Korry @korryduke]

No matter how many paper tigers are being fought, they never seem to make the endangered species list.

[Korry @korryduke]

@jessecase Didn’t even know the made Ralf Hütter and Florian Schneider action figures

[Korry @korryduke]

Grown people recording themselves doing things they did in front of a mirror in their room as kids with the door locked and then posting that stuff on the internet is really all that keeps me going these days.

[Korry @korryduke]

@jessecase I’m gonna filibuster so they never get the chance

[Korry @korryduke]

I hate working through that part where I’m not good at something while I’m wanting to get good at something so I never get good at anything.

[Korry @korryduke]

I like to talk about myself because I’m an expert on the subject.

[Korry @korryduke]

It makes me sad when I think how Pee Chee folder drawing is a lost art form.

[Korry @korryduke]

I’ve reached the point in life where the biggest rush I chase is finding that second item to total $25 so I get same day delivery.

[Korry @korryduke]

If I’m ever trapped in a tower like Rapunzel, I will escape down a rope made from the iPhone charging cables that don’t work but I can’t seem to throw away.

[Korry @korryduke]

Off The Wall is a better record than Thriller. Fight me.

[Korry @korryduke]

The more I talk, the less I say.