world renowned chef figo

🦧

[world renowned chef figo @krasiiee]

Gyro "The Badass"

[ethan @lil_eath]

i think networking is immoral that’s why i don’t have a job

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

Wife is stapling me to the wall again.. In my wife’s defense ‘No laughing in the house’ has been a rule since day one. Sometimes I forget, I don’t know.. I had forgotten what it felt like To laugh

[Michael Caine @themichaelcaine]

My list of movies
Humphrey Boggart
Casablanca 1942
The Maltese Falcon
The Caine Mutiny 1954
Marlon Brando
The Godfather 1972
On the Waterfront
A Streetcar named Desire

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

If my 6 year old son doesn’t go viral on TikTok he will be reduced to 1 meal per day

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

Daily Brain Workout:
2 sets of counting to ten. 2 sets of alphabet. 10 minutes of trying to spell restiront. Then list animals until failure

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

If you choose to care about who wins the Academy Awards you should bear in mind that some of the voters apparently don't know what the categories actually mean

[Don Hughes @getfiscal]

Death predictions for 2023:
• Woody Allen.
• Robert De Niro.
• Noam Chomsky.
• Volodymyr Zelensky.
• Jimmy Carter.
• Bill Clinton.
• Mark Wahlberg (Marky Mark).

— Not predicting women out of respect.

[Paddington @paddingtonbear]

I think I would like a hot cocoa.

[ALBUM MODE @shamana]

It'll make you Gromit when you see me Wallace ice on

[charlie @chunkbardey]

and on top of everything else, fingies cold

[bunkey @chiefkeefmidi]

[to everyone in the world at the same time really loud] goodnight i love you

[President of Zimbabwe @edmnangagwa]

What a win for Zimbabwe! Congratulations to the Chevrons.

Next time, send the real Mr Bean…#PakvsZim 🇿🇼

[Meat Boy @god_brane]

yoko ono breaking up the beatles was ultimately a net positive because it created the butterfly effect of john lennon getting gunned down like the dog he was. im sorry.. i dont know what just came over me.. i ate a blueberry donut for breakfast and it’s making me hyper

[hunter @hunter_hhhh]

she strogan me off till i beef! [𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐁𝐔𝐙𝐙𝐄𝐑] she beefin on my stroganoff! [𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐁𝐔𝐙𝐙𝐄𝐑] she strogan my beef till im off! [𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃 𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐁𝐔𝐙𝐙𝐄𝐑]

[bobby @bobby]

when you take in a film at home you say "i watched a movie." but when you go to the theater you say "i saw a movie." kinda weird. i don't know. doesn't really matter i guess. we're all going to die someday.

[clay ⛷️ @hanfjob]

trying to flirt with a waitress and
accidentally writing my phone
number in the tip section of the
receipt and charging 7 billion dollars
to my debit card

[hb @h3xenbrenner2]

Well, well, well. Look who’s come crawling back. If it isn’t my one year old son I accidentally left at the park