Krissy

Hurricane disguised as a human.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Report: Nuclear War Sounds Fucking Amazing Right Now

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

Bartender- “The usual, my friend?”

Me- “Yessir”

Bartender- *kisses me on the forehead*

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

Free People is selling pukka necklaces for $30 in case we needed something else to become unhinged about today.

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

Just used “down by the river” in a real life conversation and I honestly have never felt more confident.

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

If I haven’t responded to your first 12 LinkedIn messages, I likely won’t be responding at all.

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

Baby…One More Time just played on Enrique Iglesias Radio and my soul just hovered above my body for about 3 minutes.

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

Bandit and Chili out here making us all look like shit parents. Thanks, Disney

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

Had a dream last night that I got bit by an alligator in a bass pro shop. What does that mean, astrology girls?

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

Do I have a fever or is this just how Queer Eye is?

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

I am genuinely convinced my anxiety and depression would be cured if I had a fireplace in my house.

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

My love language is vacation.

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

I’m sorry but I don’t want to watch you make a salad on TikTok. I just don’t.

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

Just heard that ladies don’t have to quarantine during happy hour.

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

Considering blocking my mother on Facebook for the things she’s selling on marketplace.

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

Me: “I’m kinda tired.”

Instagram ads: “YOU’RE SLEEPING WRONG AND YOU’VE NEVER NOT SLEPT WRONG.”

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

The CDC just announced that you can’t get Covid here because this is base and everything else is hot lava.

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

When he’s had “She Bangs” stuck in his head for 4 days, you know you’ve found your soulmate.

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

Who do you call first when you want to eat a crepe like a burrito while driving? Your bestie or your therapist?

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

STOP TRYING TO MAKE US THINK THAT THE FORMER BACHELORS ARE FRIENDS WITH THE NEW BACHELOR. I’m very heated about this.

[Krissy @krissyconqueso]

So wait. Oscar Isaac IS or ISN’T Bernard from The Santa Clause?