Kristin Diversi

Versatile creative. "Irritatingly candid."

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

I answered like three #CelebrityJeopardy questions correctly before my husband and turned to him to gracefully say, "Oh, are you dumb tonight?"
@Jeopardy @missmayim

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

Why must every fireworks "finale" feel and sound like we're getting shelled? We are miles away from the event, it's louder than a tv in the room, and it woke 3.
Boom boom. Don't want you in my room.

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

Idk if it was the optimism, naivete, and alcohol saturation of my twenties combined with the vague hope of the Obama administration, but i used to get excited for fireworks.
Now i just hear civil rights exploding and wonder when the next mass shooting will be.
#IndependenceDay

[Annie Way @Anniewritess]

You might think the important childhood milestones are walking and talking, but they're actually things like "can be left alone for 5 minutes," "can fetch their own snack," and "can puke in a receptacle instead of all over their bed."

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

My son is chanting "rain rain go away" like an incantation, did it work, did i birth a tiny witch?

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

Mom 9-5: "tumble out of bed & stumble through the whole day, pour myself several cups of very strong coffee, when did I last shower, omg how did that chicken nugget under the couch get mummified."

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

@centralhs12 @joanwalsh "an inaccurate description of life from past centuries."
History is necessary and truth cannot be rewritten by liars.

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

Just discovered i have no truly useful friends.

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

@HillaryMonahan Sign. Me. Up.

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

"Kids don't deserve participation 🏆 for showing up."
I'm 37. I deserve a goddamn participation 🏆 for any event that does not involve its own prizes (shopping, wine, food, or making my child immensely happy).
🏆 may be gift cards, wine, food.
Life is hard. Give 🏆.
#parenting

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

Apparently, I fell asleep and slept through three episodes of @sinisterhoodpod (Ted Bundy) before I woke up and had a shitty night's sleep. Follow me for more sleep and health tips.

[Katie Hannigan @katiehannigan]

I said something stupid last night and I’m really looking forward to being haunted by it for the rest of my life.

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

@katiehannigan hey welcome to my life.

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

@Cooperstreaming my mom pretended she didn't know how to make coffee.

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

Did your parents say stuff like, "You think that’s bad? I’ll give you something to cry about"?
Let's break that cycle.
#parenting #parents #narcissism
https://t.co/HGWW8NyP3S

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

Parenting is hard. No one expects you to be perfect. And there are intergenerational cycles of pain and trauma that, once learned about, you are responsible for breaking.
https://t.co/HGWW8NyP3S

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

Break intergenerational pain & trauma cycles.
https://t.co/XuMNJDWJeH
#substack #writer #Parents

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

Husband: didn't the MothMan originate in NJ?
M: (long, scathing pause) NO

bro doesn't even know his American CRYPTIDS who did i marry nine years ago

#cryptids #mothman #jerseydevil

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

@lauraleighabby Hope you took pics.

[Kristin Diversi @kristindiversi]

@julieklausner Oy.