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I wish I was clever.

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

Every time I go outside, I relate more and more to Larry David.

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

On a never ending quest to find the perfect mug.

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

I can’t help but think that if the boomers went to therapy this country would be a the utopia they think it is.

[Knock At The Cabin @KnockAtTheCabin]

Save your family or save humanity. Make the choice. The trailer for #KnockAtTheCabin has arrived.

Like this tweet to Knock to Subscribe for updates from @MNightShyamalan's newest film until it enters your theater on 2/3/23.

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

Once again I forgot to shave my legs before my pedicure.

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

Pay attention to the men (and women) who hate on @DrewAfualo

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

Random thoughts about the absolute HOLD north face steep tech jackets had on everyone in 2008-09

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

Today I went to my new obgyn about getting my IUD replaced and she da looked at me and goes “so I guess you don’t have plans for kids in the near future?” I looked at her with a blank stare and said “if I did I wouldn’t be here for a replacement would I?”

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

Most people will think this is a normal thing to say, but if you knew my grandmother you’d know her exact tone. For reference she’s got the personality of Emily Gilmore.

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

It’s actually hilarious how you can pick up on peoples low key toxicity. Every time I tell my grandmother something I’m doing for my wedding that she doesn’t agree with her response is “well you’re planning the wedding you wanted”. Correct the wedding I wanted paid for by ME.

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

I really want to be the type of person who makes a playlist for each of my moods and personalities but that’s a lot.

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

Me trying to explain the Shakespearean symbolism of Lexi’s “play within a play” in #EuphoriaHBO to everyone who couldn’t care less

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

Captain: I like her. She’s got a positive attitude, we really need more people like her around.
Me: …

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

I really will never forget the time I got offended when some girl told me that me and my husband are bagels until I realized she was saying that we’re “bae goals” 🙃

[Men's Humor @MensHumor]

Dad bods and defeated facial expressions? Yeah, that tracks.

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

Remember at the beginning of the pandemic when you were with someone who forgot their mask and you would get mad at them for having to go into your stash of masks? Lmao

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

Deep.

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

Might ruin Christmas.

[Jägermeister USA @JagermeisterUSA]

Save us a shot too.

[K R Ÿ $ 1 0 @krystenpurple]

You can’t be against the vaccine and against abortion.