k!

lay down sometimes

[Grey @sadbokkie]

burnham trying to follow starmer’s instructions on how to work the weather machine

[sizzurp @coughsyrupzzz]

First thing I do when I wake up is hit the vape I don't even check if my legs work

[k! @ksnwalsh]

@lemmawild honestly i just lie and tell them our insurance for customers and employees in the building runs out by (time). always works for people who have never worked in hospo and dont rlly know what im talking about

[𝓽𝓭𝓭𝔂 🐾 @popup_tddy]

I hate when people in movies take two drags of a cigarette and then put it out, like damn there are cigaretteless children in Africa

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

I don't understand how you're supposed to switch careers when every job outside your current field looks at your experience and assumes you're incapable of doing anything else.

[alain🏒 @penaltyk1ll]

every time I think I understand soccer they add twenty minutes to the clock and I’m too afraid to ask why

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

paul mccartney’s first draft:

[bri 🚥 | #boftwt @maphinzluvr]

convinced an argentinian player could shoot an english player dead on the pitch and the ref wouldn't bat an eye 😭😭 #ENGARG

[ray ⭑ @veraylec]

THEY CAN’T BE HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME

LESTAPPEN CURSE

[Antonio Padrón 🌶️ @AntonioPadron17]

“Solo es una carrera de LEGO, es una tontería”

Yo celebrando la victoria de Fernando Alonso:

[summELL break🥵🥵 @cantverstopim]

Streets are saying that the safety car has been redeployed bc Max is standing in the middle of the track asking someone to hit him.

[Mike 📺 @michaelcollado]

They’re too lenient. Big Brother wouldn’t tell the houseguests if World War III broke out.

[Rata 🌇 @RANK10YGO]

if a website asks me for a verification code and i check my email and it's not in there within 0.1 picosecond of the request i roar and swing my arms madly and start hurting those close to me

[soup🌱 @thrluv]

“i asked chat gpt” well i asked tupac & he said that’s why he fucked your bitch you fat motherfucker

[soph @sphwbb]

won't be taking any prime minister seriously until they lay out a plan to make england better for people born post-1990. it's tiresome being expected to foot the bill for literally everyone else and getting increasingly little back for it

[k! @ksnwalsh]

why am I actually paying £12.99 for Spotify when it hasn't worked all day 💀

[trash jones @jzux]

i eat popcorn like someone is going to take it away from me and then kill me

[Joe @andjustliketwat]

Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy because the UK government is focused on every other issue except the fact PEOPLE CAN’T AFFORD TO FILL THEIR FRIDGE???

[zoe ⋆.˚⭑.ᐟ @antxpia]

england was shitting out hail last week and now it's going to be 35c next week. Yeah okay mate we're just doing whatever arent we just having a right laugh

[george @onetrainops]

stop the clock, that is wrong. take your time, what confectionary company makes revels?