Kyle Stoker

[Kyle Stoker @kstoker77]

A quick summary of the election #CallTheElection

[sreeky @sreekyshooter]

our nation has a Kennedy missing his brain and now a white man from Dallas is about to help LBJ win. welcome back, 1963

[Corrector CRAN.ᐟ.ᐟ @Volnutt_trigger]

Pre-lobotomy patrick star you mean the world to me

[lcamtuf @lcamtuf]

Life pro tip: you can draw any line you want through a scatter plot, they're not checking this

[DONKFORTRESS (parody) @D0NKFORTRESS]

pc players: quickly flick their mouse to turn around

console players:

[Greg Jennings @GregJennings]

That kinda looks like..., you know what, never mind. 🤔

[sophie @netcapgirl]

unmuting at the end of a call just to say “nothing from my end, thanks”

[jos @josiahhughes]

i just saw a chilling video from Springfield. a man speeding home from work found a glowing green uranium rod in his trousers and threw it out his window, nearly hitting a skateboarding boy with it.

[Queen Liza🩷🤍💙 @KrystalWolfyAlt]

Moon landing

[Borussia Dortmund @BlackYellow]

GIVEAWAY!! 🤯🤭

To celebrate making the UCL final, we are giving away one cup kit! 🙌

Retweet and follow to enter!

[Borussia Dortmund @BlackYellow]

11 YEARS IN THE MAKING HEJA BVB WE OUT TO WEMBLEY AHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Borussia Dortmund @BlackYellow]

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE SEMIFINALS HERE WE COME!!

[marmot @MarmotRespecter]

i'd rather live alone in a freezing mountain cave than submit a jira ticket for my wife to buy coffee pods

[Josh @joshpearson180]

Why does this pancake look like Homer Simpson on a ring doorbell

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Dads love saying, “I can see 3 eggs from where I’m standing that you haven’t found yet.”

[will defries @willdefries]

My son, 7, has discovered “deez nuts” jokes and it’s all he says now. Everything is deez nuts. He simply can’t stop.

I asked him where he heard that joke. He made me promise that if he told me, he wouldn’t get in trouble. I agreed. So he leans in and whispers, “deez nuts.”

[Thomas Carrieri @Thomas_Carrieri]

Me in 2006 triple checking how much money mom gave me for the Scholastic Book Fair hoping it’s enough for a Lamborghini poster and a big pencil.

[Martha @SharpeMartha]

I wish the makers of avocados would put some different toys inside

I have like 50 wooden balls already

[Tony X @soIoucity]

nah he went into Philly with a Crosby jersey on beat the eagles and took their chance for the #1 seed. Legendary villain shit.