Kati Brandt

she/her - 30 something, sarcastic, and honest. Oxford commas are more important than spelling out "you" - IA➡️MN➡️SF

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

i currently can not listen to christian music without feeling angry or sad or anxious… and i just think it will take me a very long time to stop being mad about that

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

there’s a new human on second floor… they play flute & chose 10pm to start practicing. totally fine, the walls aren’t that thin, but like I haven’t been using the elevator past 9pm cause it’s the old school kind with a gate and i’m worried it’s too loud

anxious human vibes 😂

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

look listen. i’m all for states rights but if @hankgreen can’t be on Tik Tok cause Montana is banning it?… jail. straight to jail.

that’s an infringement on my pursuit of happiness. i’m not having it.

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

dad: “your mom throws like a girl”
me: “oh so she throws perfectly?”
dad: *laughs* “not at all”…
me, a menace: “well, how many women have thrown an interception in the nfl? sounds like men can’t throw”
dad: *silence*

10/10 would recommend absurd chaos as a response to misogyny

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

In 2013 I didn’t pay my edu loans. I couldn’t afford it & didn’t know my options, making 9 accounts delinquent. today they fell off my credit

nothing is real, we’re all making it up as we go, & my credit score went up 70 pts in a day cause I waited long enough?… absolutely wild

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

how are y’all cleaning entire houses? I just cleaned my studio apartment and I am exhausted. will be doing nothing else all day. this happens every week when I clean… I zone out for the rest of the day. how are y’all doing multiple rooms like every week?

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

this evening my mom said
“I regret teaching you how to talk”

so if you’re looking for tips on how to be a perfect daughter, let me know

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

one thing about population density is that I got an alert that there were airpods being tracked to my location because my neighbor walked past my office as I was leaving, we both got on the same bus, and he lives directly below me and bluetooth doesn’t totally grasp altitude

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

Seeing high school pals, that were once pretty judgy about my loud love of church & youth group, posting bible versus on religious holidays is kinda annoying

there is a grief watching them all just enjoy it without (visible) layers of hurt & anger. like a weird nostalgia almost

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

a lotttttt of people saying the quiet part out loud after the Iowa/LSU game

trash talk is part of the game and it’s always harder to see when your team is losing. if it’s poor sportsmanship for one than it’s poor sportsmanship for all

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

what’s wild is that i’m currently on tik tok double majoring in archeology and cultural studies with a minor in sign language slang and it’s gonna get banned cause a bunch of old pervs don’t know what wifi is

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

Shou Chew testifying before congress is all of us answering our parents tech questions… truly confused and dumb founded at the sheer incompetence sitting before us

an internet hero among analog men

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

shoutout to the moment when ya just force yourself out of hyperfixation with a checklist and the promise of nachos.

*adds ADHD screening to the to do list*

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

it’s a good time to remind y’all that @IAGovernor Kim Reynolds was one of the rudest customers I had in DSM. While that doesn’t directly correlate to school vouchers, being rude to min wage workers does correlate to a sense of superiority & being out of touch with regular Iowans

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

@OurWorshipSound hahaha grateful 🙃

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

Zoom updated so that private DMs in the chat don’t automatically reply back as a private message

1. that’s rude - there should have been a huge update banner
2. lots of good people are getting embarrassed in meetings, mainly me

thoughts & prayers to all those affected

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

all parts of this thread

[Holly Stallcup @HollyStallcup]

The gentlest reminder that while marriage may be a different commitment than single people have the idea that people who are married are busier than single people is problematic and diminishes the unique struggle of caring for all the adult things by yourself.

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

to whom it may concern,

the tall men are on Bumble, haven’t seen one guy under 6’

the short kings are on Hinge, not one guy over 6’

all heights continue to struggle in the chat tho

in related news, there should be a tax benefit for time spent swiping, it’s a part time job

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

Hakeem Jeffries is absolutely killing this speech 🔥👏🏼

[Kati Brandt @ktbrandt]

aside from the scary part where awful people will continue to run circles around the government…

If I were trying to get my way & I had to ask people to vote 15 times before I finally got what I wanted, I would move to the woods & never be heard from again. so embarrassing