Katie Haynes

Mom of 3, wife of 1. Head of People at @thelinqapp, former founding team member at @Shipt.

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

@sonofalli This brought me a lot of joy

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

I guess I’ve gotten so used to saying “excuse us” when I’m with my kids that I say it now even when I’m alone. I realized recently it was weird and was overcome with sadness at the thought of how much time I’ve wasted not saying it in a Gollum voice.

[Abraham Gutman @abgutman]

Great British Bake Off but you pair every contestant with a 3-year-old who really wants to help.

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

Once a day I think about how there are books out there that I would absolutely love, that would change me, and I’ll never know about them. I’m sharing that thought with you because hurt people hurt people.

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

“From the fall onward, few features display the creativity of Adam’s family better than our attempt to evade blame.”

@ me next time

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

One time June was in the backseat and kept saying “There’s a crab on me!” I thought she was pretending so I kept doing the Mom “oh yeah? Wow...” and she kept saying it so I finally looked back and there was a spider in her lap.

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

@Patric_Brasher Chilling

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

@tessklem I lived with my cousin for a bit and I walked in on him spraying the sink full of dishes with air freshener rather than washing them

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

One day you’re young and cool and all of the sudden you don’t like driving at nighttime.

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

@CoreyKlem The “me” made me read this in an Irish accent

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

Do you ever rewatch a movie and for a second you’re like, “There are WAY too many people there! And no masks?!” and then you realize it’s Remember the Titans and it was filmed 20 years ago?

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

Whatever poor soul invented Quiet Mouse should’ve won the Nobel Peace Prize

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

@accebellis Wonderwall. It’s like someone bet him he couldn’t sing a song terribly with dumb lyrics. It makes me actually angry when it comes on.

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

@emmalbing Honored.

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

Debate? More like what de-crap happened last night?

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

People: That’s the worst thing that could ever happen

2020: Hold my antipsychotics

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

“If the world is cold, make it your business to build fires.” -Horace Traubel

[Katie Haynes @kthaynes_]

June: *whispers something to me about the cashier that I thought I understood*
Me: She says you’re really pretty 🥰
Cashier: “aww, that’s-“
June: “No, I said I LIKE HER BOOTY!!”

[Matt Smethurst @MattSmethurst]

False freedom: “Be true to you.”
Real freedom: “Be true to him.”

Teaching this to children is the most revolutionary thing a 21st-century parent can do.