Kyle Pollak

[cow @cowincrisis]

the grass is literally greener on the other side i can fucking see it

[ariel @donotdelay]

Being raised in an anti SpongeBob household is a lifelong social handicap and lowkey abusive

[big strong guy, he’s a big strong guy @HESaBSG]

the cuckquarium

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

Telling the barista at Starbucks i clogged the toilet as Im leaving

[bоо @gorjusbutiful]

i have sold baby yoda to chinese herbalists who will dehydrate him and use his powdered form in tinctures

[Jordan Barber @MotoPsyOps101]

The story of the comeback.

Arm destroyed.
11 surgeries.
Infection.
Years of struggles with health due to amount of surgery.

Finally wins 450 SX Championship.

Believe people, believe in yourself and do the things you wanna do.

[Redd @ReddCinema]

Imma be honest that looks like a chair

[parks @parkersity_9]

Walking out of the ancient temple after triggering every single trap on my way out

[Football Analysis @FBallAnalysisYT]

Feel the what

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to log into Microsoft Authenticator 47 times a day.

[the man formerly known as indeed @punishedindeed]

imagine smoking baby yoda like a brisket and covering him in sauces and seasonings

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

me: he's a glove that sells hamburger helper
girl looking at the posters in my room: no i get it

[RickRaptor105 @RickRaptor105]

The Moby Dick fandom is dying.

Retweet if you're a true Dickhead.

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

And the chicken, is it jerked in house?

[Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan]

Publisher: So you've given us a book about a big friendly giant, one about an enormous crocodile, and another where a granny grows as big as a house. What's new?
Roald Dahl: There's this peach...
Publisher: Is it -
Roald Dahl: It's fucking huge

[Ben Crew @BenjaminCrew1]

New Orleans' famous Cafe Du Monde being open since 1862 is fascinating because the city was actively being captured by Union forces and some guy said "This is a perfect time to open my coffee & beignet stand"

[Casual Thursday @CasualThursday]

gas prices so high I had to take the truck nuts off my F-250 to reduce drag

[Justin🦩Boldaji @justinboldaji]

Telling everyone how impressive my first gay bareback orgy was

[Dick McFadden @Dickmcfadden69]

Me blacked out at a wedding absolutely butchering the Macarena