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You have to be able to separate how you feel about someone from how someone makes you feel. Those are very different things. I may feel about a person, that they are charismatic, and adorable and intelligent and wise and fun, but they make me feel, or if they make me feel lonely and sad and anxious and stressed and questioning my value, that's the reality of my relationship. So you can think someone is a god, but if they make you feel like you're nothing, that's going to be your experience.
I finally understand what Machiavelli meant when he said, "Never play fair in a game where others cheat." It doesn't mean become evil. It means stop being naive. Stop bringing honesty to people who study manipulation, stop giving access to people who weaponize closeness, and stop expecting clean hands from people who already showed you they'll throw dirt. Sometimes wisdom is not revenge. Sometimes wisdom is learning the rules of the room before the room uses your goodness against you.
I saw a post on Reddit that said, “When you walk through a museum, you’re not just looking at art. You’re moving through centuries of people trying to explain love, grief, power, beauty, and belonging.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen a museum described so beautifully.
You can tell a lot about a person by what they do after hurting you. Some apologize. Some reflect. Some change. And some will rewrite the entire story in their head just to avoid feeling guilty. Accountability is rare because protecting the ego is easier than becoming better.
tolerating always turns into resentment. at first, you call it patience, then love. but what it really is, is self abandonment. every time you swallow a boundary, excuse a pattern or silence your discomfort, something inside you keeps score. eventually, the bill comes due.
once you cut people out of your life, you need to become very comfortable with them talking bad and making things up about you. bc they will fill your silence and your absence with stories that make them feel better about losing access to you. people rarely take accountability when it’s easier to paint you as the villain.