kya

Truly, no one finds me funnier than I find myself 🤡

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

✂️🪓CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES
THIS IS MY - first fucking try...and im already feeling really stressed out right now... please don't go too hard on me...I will cry if this goes negatively in any way. 🥲

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

Are you wondering to yourself "why the fuck are you telling me all of this?". Well I'll tell you, because today I learned exactly how much money that I am willing to spend to take the easy/lazy/fast option when available; $15. And not 1 goddamn nickel more either.

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

Parked in a parking garage for 9 hours, and it cost me $15, not unreasonable and also not the issue at hand. The issue is that I COULD have gotten my ticket validated and the cost waved, gonzo, free-ninety-nine - but I specifically chose to pay it, and here's why⥅

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

How to obtain said free ticket? First, it'd require me to walk from my office, through the entire building, out to the top floor of the parking garage, get my ticket, 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯 run all the way to security and ask (pout) them repeatedly to please validate my parking or I'll cry ⥅

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

I don't think I've ever experienced any emotion that I couldn't describe better with a picture of Tutter the mouse puppet than with any of my own actual words

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

A quick break from your regularly scheduled programming to bring devastating news from the north, emo John Lennon - a.k.a - Sting's sleep paralysis demon - a.k.a - the mighty king of snakes - Ozzy Osbourne; has died.
Live for today - tomorrow never comes, baby!

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

Cashier: Do you have credit?
Me: Um so...ok look...I think? Idk...I know if I check it I'll lose a point...and what if that point is the one that pushes me from fair credit right over into shit credit...yknow?
Cashier: ...are you paying with a credit card?

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

Whoever said that we're gonna shorten "there's more than one way to skin a catfish" into "there's more than one way to skin a cat." Why? Did a cat molest your father and kill your mother at the same time? cause that's the only reason to be making dumbass decisions like that 😾🎣

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

Common sense, despite popular belief, is actually free to use for a limited time with my discount code!! - AREYOUGENUINELYFUCKINGFRRIGHTNOW2025

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

My whole life, I've always been grandma's most special boy, lighting up every room I enter with my adorable charm and whimsy...but lately... i dunno... it just really feels like nobody knows it...

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it lick it out of your cupped hands, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOURE THIRSTY?

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

Anyways I find myself thinking about this more and more while im watching tv, and I'm worried that the vaccine might've made me gay? 🤨🔎🌈

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

SOMETHING I BEEN THINKING ABOUT A LOT LATELY IN MY FREE TIME ➡️

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

Do they take a break and go to their trailers for a while and come back? Do they keep going? Does everyone except for them leave so they can keep kissing? ➡️

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

- I wonder if one time, while they were rehearsing that scene, they ever accidentally kissed on the mouth instead of on the cheek...

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

Sometimes, when I drink 2 white Monster energy drinks, I pretend that they had a baby together in my stomach...and I'm that baby - the ultimate white monster 🪄🥸

[kya @kyasdumthoughts]

I call my girl Freeport-McMoRan because she's nothing but a GOLD DIGGER