lucy

loser girl shouts into the void about her embarrassing feelings

[lucy @kyklah]

i just miss last yr honestly, sm shit happened. it was the worst year of my life which is why it was the best.

[lucy @kyklah]

i miss last sept so mucchhhh take me back

[lucy @kyklah]

"b-but just priv your acc" its not the same

[lucy @kyklah]

i want to post more but i get so embarrassed abt my thoughts so i just keep everything i would post in drafts :P

[lucy @kyklah]

meow

[lucy @kyklah]

i wish i could stop imagining fake scenarios involving ppl who dont like me anymore

[lucy @kyklah]

@johnnyhammy01 i appreciate it thank you. i hope things get better for you, nobody deserves to feel lonely :)

[lucy @kyklah]

its my fault that i still feel lonely. i never truly connecr with anyone. i havent rly had someone ive been close with since grade 6.

[lucy @kyklah]

idek where im going with all this. i just wish i had one person i could be close with. its embarrassing to say but i deeply crave a codependent friendship. i want a girl bsf like everyone else does. i want my own person too.

[lucy @kyklah]

for most ppl who have been in my life, ive just been someone to keep them company until they move on to something better. if i leave its usually because i sense im unwanted or an annoyance.

[lucy @kyklah]

id like to think my ex situationship and i were close but in reality he never rly knew much about me. he had some idealized vers of me and i just lied, saying whatever made him believe i was his dream girl. i never was.

[lucy @kyklah]

ik its bad to rank your friends based on where they stand and yes having friends who are just "gaming friends" is normal but it leaves you kind of feeling like youre lacking friends at all if everything is just surface lvl

[lucy @kyklah]

i have ppl i can call "friends" but it feels more like having acquaintances. we'll play games and thats abt it. my closest friend and i also only rly talk abt games or his issues. idrk if its just bc i dont allow myself to be vulnerable or bc they just dont like me that much

[lucy @kyklah]

i feel bored of everything and everyone and its causing me to get worse and worse socially. i just dont care. im undeserving of my friends who ask to hang out with me often.

[lucy @kyklah]

everyone has their person but me. my friends would all pick anybody else but me. i should not be complaining at all because i have friends. they ask me to play, they talk to me. so why do i feel so empty and alone?

[lucy @kyklah]

im such a disgustingly selfish person i do not deserve anything i have or want.