🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶

I invented the piano-key necktie! What have you done?

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

Wait guys, hear me out. It seems like Twitter is maybe somehow... bad?

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

Welp, time to head out. Drive safe folks. It’s been a time.

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

gonna get the first ever zero view tweet

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

@JordanJesseGo A li’l stinker!

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

This fucking putz. I’ve blocked him, muted his name, and unfollowed accounts that pivoted to dunking on his every move. But I still can’t escape all the dumb shit Elon is doing to ruin things here.

I miss the days of making fun of weirdos who refused to explain a can opener.

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

What’s the term for when you liked something before having kids, but then 10 years later when the kids are old enough that you think it might be worth sharing with them, it turns out the thing has turned to absolute shit in the meantime?

(This is a subtweet of @noodlescompany)

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

@mindykaling @clhubes Oh man, mine had a yogurt, a single bite of a ham sandwich (deli meat, NOT the ham that was served) and the frosting from a cupcake.

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

Got a brief error message before my feed refreshed and I was perversely hopeful to see the end, but I won’t believe it’s over until I see a body #DeathOfTwitter

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

@JortsTheCat So it turns out that the problem with a government of the people, for the people, and by the people is that a lot of the people are selfish fucking assholes.

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

@1followernodad Just like that iconic movie quote: “I bite your milkshake! I bite it up!”

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

@ARLIowa @IvePetThatDog You can follow Rosie on Instagram: 📸 Rosie.Mae.Sparkles

https://t.co/UpLCPsDLow

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

She’s an icon, she is a legend, and she is the moment. Loving my #PoorlyDrawnPets portrait of Rosie! @ARLIowa @IvePetThatDog

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

@allegraringo @JesseThorn To be fair, the FBI was really into The Dana Carvey Show and they were super upset it got canceled, so even when their friends told them about this other show on HBO they should totally check out, they didn’t want to get hurt again.

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

@CAforPrunes @guybranum Thanks for spreading awareness of California Prunes, @guybranum! I’ll make sure to pick some up at the store today 👍

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

Waiting for my wife to come out of her wikihole on Great Lakes shipwrecks so I can educate her on all the Don’t Worry Darling drama and associated memes

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

LOL I’m wasting my life 😭#MyTwitterAnniversary

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

@Amy_Siskind

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

@SenatorBraun Fuck you. You’re an embarrassment to our state and I’m ashamed to have you “representing” me in the Senate. Gun control is the only sane option.

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

Spending my evening tweeting profanity at politicians and other morons may not be productive, but it sure feels good.

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

@KenPaxtonTX Your prayers don’t mean a fucking thing to the parents whose children aren’t sleeping in their beds tonight. Eat shit.

[🅺🆈🅻🅴🅶 @kyleg]

@SenToddYoung I’m embarrassed to have you represent me. Be saddened by the widespread availability of guns that makes these tragedies commonplace in the US and no other developed country, then get a conscience and regulate them.