Ella Johnson

If you don't fight for what you want, don't cry for what you lost.

[June Williams @NiyarMynova]

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

[Tonya Myers @AksamitNelli]

When someone rings the doorbell why do dogs always assume its for them?

[Lynne Butcher @golenkina]

Dammit, this spermicide didn't work at all. My kids are still here and now they won't stop whining about their eyes burning.

[Ella Johnson @lagutkoz]

If someone asks you about a musical you haven't seen, fake it by saying, "I love that part near the end when they all sing together."

[Ella Johnson @lagutkoz]

When I've already said what? three times and still have no idea what the person said, so I just agree.

[Ella Johnson @lagutkoz]

If practice makes perfect. And no ones perfect, what's the point of practice?

[Ella Johnson @lagutkoz]

Scientists say vanilla is the most erotic smell to men.

[Ella Johnson @lagutkoz]

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

[Ella Johnson @lagutkoz]

Minnie told Mickey that she wants a divorce. Mickey said, "Bitch are you fucking crazy!?" She said "Nah, I'm fucking Goofy"

[Ella Johnson @lagutkoz]

I may look calm but in my head I've killed you more than three times

[Ella Johnson @lagutkoz]

With computers, every morning is the dawn of a new error.

[Ella Johnson @lagutkoz]

"You can't taste me, until you undress me." -Banana.

[Danielle Lusk @48Vostapenkova]

In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

[Helen Shumaker @VesninNazariy]

Wife: "I'll be back honey!" Husband: "Don't threaten me like that!"

[Ella Johnson @lagutkoz]

On the highest throne in the world, we still sit only on our own bottom.

[Ella Johnson @lagutkoz]

I'm not lazy, Im energy efficient.

[Ella Johnson @lagutkoz]

Me: "Haha I'm older!" Friend: "Haha you'll die first!" Me: "Not if I get my license first and run you over."

[Ella Johnson @lagutkoz]

Anyone else hate tomatoes but like ketchup?.

[Silvia Siems @kruglyanov]

That FML moment when you hop into bed, get under your covers, then realized you forgot to turn off the light.