Jessica Dewhurst

baker extraordinaire. margarita obsessed. pseudo-seamstress. loud whisperer. chronic over sharer. I will definitely ask to pet your dog.

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

@BostonLogan Hi! My husband and I are coming from STL via Southwest and have a long layover before an international flight on KLM—how early can we get through security? We have about 8 hours between landing and takeoff.

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

Teddy: almost 6 years old, loves superhero stories, confused how Taylor Swift can make the bad guys good for a weekend.

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

Penny’s first assessment of Grant’s Farm? A disdainful “there’s no pigs yet?”

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

For those keeping score at home, I brought the heating pad and it was absolutely the right call 👵🏼

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

How I know I’m getting old: I’m traveling for work next week and contemplating if I should pack my heating pad

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

Penny also says “oopsy days!” Instead of “oopsy daisy” and indie from the cuteness every time 😍

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

Penny has a hard time with her R sounds and calls her room “my yoom” and I just love it so much

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

Nick: when did our group get so dysfunctional? Or has it…

Erin and me, interrupting him: No, we’ve always been this way

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

We are having lunch at the Kansas City Zoo and Ben asks Penny if she’s having fun on our vacation. Her response?

“No. I’m really tired of this town.”

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

Penny no longer calls spaghetti “speggi” and my heart is very sad about it

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

Someone has been talking to Penny about “chee-sus” and how “hims come back alive” and she was not pleased when I misunderstood her to be talking about “cheeses.”

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

It admittedly was not my best wavy hair wash day, but I am very offended

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

Tonight, Ben moved my towel off the bed and asked why it was there. I looked at him sort of weird and he says “oh did you shower today?”

Sir, I’d had my hair in a GROSS bun for two days and we literally got caught outside in the rain yesterday and you can’t tell I showered?!

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

“What does the emu say to the fox?”

“I don’t know, what?”

“Emu, emu?”

…is there a pun I’m not getting here? #TeddyTellsJokes

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

Starting a new series called #TeddyTellsJokes because when you’re 5, nailing the punchline can be…difficult 😂

Why does the chicken want to marry you?
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Because you always say chicken!

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

In today’s baffling #TeddyTellsJokes, I give you this gem:

Why does the cow like to say his name?
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Because he’s a MOO-ter

(I’ll be honest that I’m not 100% on this punchline because he couldn’t finish the joke without laughing)

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

“When I’m a grownup, I won’t make my kids go to IKEA.”

-Teddy, 5 years old

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

Also she’s saying “my mouth feels kind of weird!” 💔

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

We’re just throwing the big changes at poor Penny, because the time has come for her to stop sucking her thumb/fingers. She now has gross nail polish on her fingers and keeps repeating “I can’t handle this…” in a heartbroken little voice. I ALSO CAN’T HANDLE IT, PENNY

[Jessica Dewhurst @lampshade12]

@aekaitz 😂😂😂 jokes are hard, man