Lance Herbstrong

Lance Herbstrong's Bio is degradable.

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

New drop out now! We are going deep deep underground soon. You will soon only be able to get our product in dark alleys, late night speakeasy dirty bathrooms and VIP basement sweat lodges.

Heavy Metal (Don Felder x Pink Floyd x Lance Herbstrong)
https://t.co/J4c3EXS0f5

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

Scandal! #DaftPunk #lanceherbstrong

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#TrumpBetterCallSaul

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

This ain’t no 2020 thing. I’ve always wrapped my presents like this. Big ups to @jackosbourne for the tip. #tinfoilasgoodasducttape https://t.co/CjC97Ke38Z

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

Hey 2020, Merry Fucking Christmas #fuckthisyear #lanceherbstrong https://t.co/lyn7FOOslT

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall Is there a higher chance of contracting the virus if you are in a densely populated area that also has many gypsies?

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall Can I use Saran Wrap as a face mask?

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall If a passenger on train A with Covid is traveling east at 40 miles per hour and a passenger B without Covid on a train traveling west is on the same track going 80 miles per hour. Who dies first? Show your math.

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall If I am swimming in the ocean and a shark with Covid bites me, will I need to get tested?

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall Is it true that if you watch the movie Cats along with the Pink Floyd album Dark Side of the Moon, it will make sense?

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall My probation officer randomly tests my pee. Can he also test for this virus? If not, should I stop paying him?

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall Shouldn’t I be able to get PPE for my PP by now?

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall If Bill Gates is so rich, how come he still wears glasses? LASIK is not that expensive anymore.

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall How are people contact tracing all these test monkeys that are getting the vaccine? Can we send them to space if they have the virus?

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall When things open up, should I stop eating pages out of library books? Will Lysol help?

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall Can you tell my uncle Larry to social distance from me forever? He is really creepy :(((

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall When my pet spider Fluffy dies, will she go to heaven? People are asking.

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall If I stop spitting in my sisters mouth will she give me my Nintendo switch back?

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall In this time of difficulty can I use my Roomba as a ventilator?

[Lance Herbstrong @LanceHerbstrong]

#CNNTownHall When will it be safe to make out with our pets again. I’m asking for my cousin in Arkansas