L.

F*CK CANCER

[L. @laralea]

A new dayenu for Passover:
If you'd given Mom 1 kind of cancer but not 2, it would've been enough
If you'd given Mom 2 cancers but not given Dad cancer, it would've been enough
If you'd given Dad cancer, but not made it the most advanced stage, it would've been enough
DAYENU

[L. @laralea]

Heard @dunkindonuts iced coffee is deadlier than measles and polio combined, so got a nice and sweet one today even though it's freezing and the wind almost blew me over on the way there

[L. @laralea]

This meeting coulda been an email. #TrumpPutinSummit

[L. @laralea]

You were supposed to grow old

[L. @laralea]

Apparently the "F*CK CANCER" in my bio was not aggressive enough.

[L. @laralea]

I have a very persistent memory of being assigned to write a short story in elementary school entitled "Leaf to Coal: My Life Story," and I can't shake it.

[L. @laralea]

Release me from this curse I'm in

[L. @laralea]

Life is such a sh*tshow that sometimes I announce to my mom which childhood friend is the latest to get divorced just to cheer her up a bit.

[L. @laralea]

Dear Nana, Somehow, it's your first yahrzeit. I hope you're blasting your TV as loudly as you want up there. Please watch over mom.

[Daniel Rubenstein @paulrubens]

There is an enormous gap between what Westerners think the Palestinian cause is and what Palestinians think the Palestinian cause is.

[Blondix @Yo_Blondix]

@elicalebon Listen to Julie Gray, who was with him Auschwitz.

[L. @laralea]

My employer should get down on its knees every day and praise the lord for making me so excellent at doing my job and so very horrible at job interviews. They have a good thing going.

[L. @laralea]

Mailman left me a note with a question and his phone number on it. Do I...
Call him
Text him
Write a note back and leave in mailbox

[L. @laralea]

Trump has taken the oath of office. There are still nearly 100 hostages. When does all hell break loose? #BringThemHomeNow

[Ridvan Aydemir | Apostate Prophet @ApostateProphet]

1. Gazans underwent a genocide.
2. Gazans oppose Hamas.
3. Gazans just want peace.
4. Gazans have been starving.

All of these claims are debunked with the videos we're seeing now.

[Lauren Rinaldi 🧚‍♀️ @LRinaldiArt]

See how I’m not storming the capitol today? Very demure, very mindful.

[L. @laralea]

I would like to say goodbye and good riddance to 2024, while noting that I don't have high hopes for 2025.

[Covid Bag Of Dicks 🦠🛍️🍆 @covidbagofdicks]

You are the fucking clown here. You have no idea what these people’s circumstances are. My friends six-year-old daughter has leukemia. If she catches anything, she will die. Go fuck yourself.

[Grant Certiorari @GrantCertiorari]

“Now Trump can use this as justification to pardon whoever he wants!”

Am I the only one who lived through his first term? Has Trump ever needed or given justification for literally anything, ever?

[L. @laralea]

Am I really expected to work Monday-Friday this week? It just seems...excessive.