Tortured Fartist

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Just had my first twisted tea. I want to sit under my own vine, and fig tree

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

I’ll trade you one simple dimple and two monkey noodles for a chaste kiss

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Somebody stole my car radio, so now I just sit in silence

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Okay, so Elon Musk bought Twitter.

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Should I officially go hetero?

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

BREAKING: Chud is now a recognized disorder in the DSM-5

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Jon Cozart might have been the first bisexual guy

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Where dafuq are men buying their mesh shirts from. And can we shut down that store?

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Life is a pool and I’m waiting for the warm spot

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Would butt fucking a man fix me?

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

I want to be Polly – I don’t want the cracker, I want to want the cracker.

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Being a gay guy at an orgy seems really stressful. You could be in anything; anything could be in you.

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Anthills just aren’t a thing like they used to be

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Rupaul just told me to text my ex situationship #HellNahRupaul

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

SHIT pisses me OFF

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Bella Ruffalo

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Hall and Oates kill yourself for what you did to gay girls everywhere

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Imagine Ken Jeong She/her pronouns omg. I'm emotional. Wow?

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

My twitter recently has been dry as yo mama

[Tortured Fartist @lardytoons]

Can you make out in the anal universe?