Laura Lansec

Life is GREAT.

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

A-B-C-D-E-F-G R-U-D-T-F with me?

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

Twenty years ago, we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have no jobs, no cash, and no hope. Please, don't let Kevin Bacon die.

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

i stand up too fast fromthe toilet and some warm pee lands on my phone activiting the touch screen & texts the word 'autumn' to my aunt

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

Being popular on Facebook is like being the smartest kid in summer school.

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

I have no idea when daylights savings is so I'm going to be late to everything just in case

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

My door was closed when you came in, so I expect it to be that way when you leave.

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

Doggy style means you get a treat afterwards, yeah?

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

Congrats to Lindsay Lohan for successfully portraying what happens to mean girls after high school.

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

So grateful I don't live in a parallel universe. I'd have a terrible time parking. True story.

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones?I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

In high school, everyone called me the bus driver. Because I was the bus driver.

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

secret truth time: ive totally stayed in relationships longer than i shouldve bc i liked his pet more & felt bad leaving it with an asshole

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

Anytime I'm using a stall in a public restroom and someone knocks on the door, I always say, "Did you bring the lube?" As loud as possible.

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

To be quite honest...I would rather fight with you than love anyone else.

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

"Good manners sometimes means simply putting up with other people's bad manners." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

Smiling at someone that hates you just to piss them off. #trueteenthings

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

Walk of shame?? More like, walk of don't judge ME because YOU didn't get laid last night.

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

The best things in life are usually found when you are not looking for them.

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

this is the police, we have u surrounded come out with your hands on ur head, then ur shoulders, okay good now knees and toes knees and toes

[Laura Lansec @LauraLansec]

My friend Phillip had his lip removed today. We call him Phil now.