hal

you aren't doing it wrong if no one knows what you're doing

[hal @layleehobo]

I always tell my dog where I’m going, how long I’ll be there for, and ask her if she needs anything while I’m out. Why? Because I’m polite and delusional.

[hal @layleehobo]

If you ever buy French onion dip, how long does it last in ur fridge? Is it more than one day? 12 hours? 6 hours?!?

[hal @layleehobo]

I shouldn’t be allowed to have a day off

[hal @layleehobo]

The other day at my restaurant job someone flagged me down and asked “when the food gets to the table do you recommend we eat it”…it is a tapas restaurant, so I understand that’s an INSANE concept to most, but what the actual fuck do you think the answer to that question is…

[hal @layleehobo]

You know when you get an oil change and they try to get you to replace the air filter but it’s always a scam. My air filter had a entire mouse nest on it with a live mouse.

[hal @layleehobo]

@isathe_belle Imagine trying a new self tanner the night before going to Puerto Rico when you’re 8 gin and tonics deep……….

[hal @layleehobo]

Sometimes I miss living alone

[hal @layleehobo]

Tonight I cried tears of joy at the blue man group and now I’m home making steak and cheese egg rolls. #Bye2023

[hal @layleehobo]

One of my sample pack perfumes smells like a clean tissue you would find in the bottom of a grandmas purse under an 18 year old blush and a pack of camel crushes, and I love it.

[hal @layleehobo]

I love how men will get mad at you when you advise them not to eat expired meat.

[hal @layleehobo]

Idk why this is so fascinating

[hal @layleehobo]

My big fat Greek wedding 3 is my Barbie movie. I’m going dressed as yiayia

[hal @layleehobo]

I should probably pack but instead I will lay outside and play dead for a lil bit

[hal @layleehobo]

Excited to move and give away half of my belongings on buy nothing Winthrop. Such a thrill.

[hal @layleehobo]

Why are people always eating tuna or roast beef and onions on long train rides. Let’s be a lil considerate.

[hal @layleehobo]

Someone’s groceries were accidentally delivered to my house all they got was Mayo, cat food, and Diet Coke. My landlord assumed it was mine….

[hal @layleehobo]

I cried four times today cuz I looked at my dog for a little too long.

[hal @layleehobo]

I just had a raccoon about 2 inches away from my face in the most jump scare manner you could imagine