the child.
learned very early the more sophisticated arts of emotional masteryβ containment, attunement, anticipation, accommodation; and in the process, unlearned their healthier counterpart: expression.
oh child, i see you. and i understand who and how you have become.
you have paid a price
for what you know,
turned your wounds
into wisdom; the world
sees the salt on your star.
your melancholy may be
weakness or wisdom.
you decide: have you died,
and did it define you?
β
(the pessimist, written 07 june 2026)
note to self: look carefully at what you think is opposing you. you may have been reacting to what you thought was external when, all this time, you were only confronting your own reflectionβ expending tremendous energy on an adversary that does not exist.
there's good news. it had been a season of exhaustion, frustration, limitation, or seeming defeat. success is visible and available today. recovery is underway. as footing is regained, come offers. truth and discernment distinguish between blessings, poisons, and illusions.
the bottom row (possibility) or the last three cards of the spread sought direction and guidance into the future, viz.:
7th card (the crossroad)β what is the lesson?
8th card (the emerging self)β who am i becoming?
9th card (the path forward)β what deserves my attention now?
the middle row (present) or cards 4-6 looked into my current state as follows:
4th card (the mask)β who did i learn to become?
5th card (the desire)β what do i truly seek?
6th card (the fear)β what's keeping me from it?
the top row (past) or the first three cards of the spread explored the following questions about my childhood:
1st card (the child)β what shaped me?
2nd card (the wound)β what hurt me most?
3rd card (the gift)β what did my wound give me?
of the 9 cards, two were jumpers (fell off while shuffling) and the rest happened to be reversed when i drew them. also, 5 were major arcana cards, 2 court cards, and 2 minor arcana cards.
just did my first-ever tarot spread and reading(: the deck (a rider-waite deck my brother gifted me last year for my bday) had only sat in my drawer since. it's surreal how insightful and uncannily coherent the drawn cards were.