pumpkin spice shmatte

my nanny kid calls me Leelora so that's my name now

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

IN THIS HOUSE, WE BELIEVE

Science is hard
Dark Brandon is President
Love is only for the gays now
No human can truly be free as long as they continue to pilot their ever-decaying meat suit
Taylor Swift is just ok
Cheese is everything

[Rep. Eric Swalwell @RepSwalwell]

Absolute admiration for President Zelenskyy. The guy has balls. He went into the Oval Office and stood up to Russia’s best negotiators.

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

my bad - the other notable difference is Michael Bay is one of the worst film directors I can think of and Greta Gerwig rules

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

"why would anyone want to see a movie about Barbie?"
I dunno Susan, the 1983423 Transformer movies were wildly popular, no one questioned that, and the only difference is those were dolls for boys
not like Barbie has been the most popular doll on earth for 50 years or anything

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

Wild that the Russian government is the second implosion of billionaires to capture the news cycle this week

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

dogs rule
dogs drool
these concepts are not mutually exclusive but complementary

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

@latkedelrey my claustrophobia could NEVER but this is fully harmless and not a big deal

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

@nauseousmilf @22gthumb This is the dumbest fucking stereotype

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

@EaLeathers @wineboxpapi lol you got me, beep boop

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

@wineboxpapi Do another "imagine" quote tweet, that'll show us!

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

@wineboxpapi @itsmegangraves ...he shouted at the woman with nearly 40x as many followers

and you even bought the check mark

woof

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

broke: parasocial relationship with John Mulaney
woke: parasocial relationship with Petunia

run free, little French goblin.
there is a new printing press for you at the end of the rainbow bridge.

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

immunity lecture thoughts: Auntie Jen would be a great drag name

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

CONSIDER: if you are accelerating to 35mph between stop signs on a residential street, the person attempting to turn from their alley onto said street is not the asshole and was actually not unreasonable to merge in front of you when you were supposed to have been driving 0mph

[Chuck Tingle @ChuckTingle]

jorbin peterman (pumped up after making his own bed) sits across from you wearing suit lined with 1000 faces of elno mork. he pulls a slab of raw meat out of the bucket next to him and takes a bite, tears streaming down his face: 'what? too scared to debate me, an INTELLECTUAL?'

[✶ ✶ ✶ ✶ @chi_urbanist]

If your dog’s name is Wrigley then your opinion is automatically discarded

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

pole dancers in heel technique class

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

LeVar Purrton is a top tier cat name

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

at the age where switching my nose stud for a hoop is peak "spicing things up" send help

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

money doesn't "buy happiness" but it sure does remove a lot of day-to-day obstacles that cause unhappiness so if you could stop saying this to people who are financially stressed

[pumpkin spice shmatte @leeoruh]

me, inventing new ways to misuse chairs