matilda

capricorn moon

[ирис @saltwatermp3]

And for my next trick I will call my life beautiful and watch it instantly become so

[Armin @ArrminEm]

I’ve done acid more times than I had cottage cheese

[PmAmTraveller @pmamtraveller]

"The Commitment Ceremony" by Jackie Urbanovic, 1996

[Girth Brooks @crackawdajuice]

My penis just growled at me #whiteboysummer

[The Frustrating Individual @MILFmassacre]

(In sex ed class) Yeah right, like we’ll ever use this stuff in the real world

[Jake Milkshake @bagmonsta]

Drinking in your hometown after college

[kyson @kysonnnnnnn]

getting the death penalty for saying hi

[tay @luvvnothottiez]

all roads lead back to the dumbass shit i did when i was 19

[matilda @left_oh]

my bitch so bad i see them and start seizing and foaming at the mouth

[April Clark @autogynefiles]

(on a first date) Can we please just try to have a good night

[pinkie pie @pinkiepie71]

im so hungry i could eat the gap between what i said and what i meant

[.𝒅𝒆𝒔!𝟎𝒓𝒆 @wyadesire]

That chill ass moment you accept it's over forever at 2pm on a Wednesday

[via @sourberryvi]

you can always tell when someone’s life starts falling apart because suddenly they’re tweeting 47 times a day

[Professor Prostate @orificelover]

I pressed my asscheeks against the wall next to my bed and farted so damn loud my neighbors called the police

[Isaac @isaacturnersong]

I've been in situations before that didn't even happen

[chatpile roan @chatpileroan]

10 Subtle Signs You May Have Fucked Everything Up Forever