Legs and Sass

[Legs and Sass @legsandsass]

I'm just here to watch the meltdowns

[Legs and Sass @legsandsass]

Getting ready to set sail with Margaritaville at Sea! For friends who want to set sail too... https://t.co/tAkuc5Mlc9

[Legs and Sass @legsandsass]

Anyone else knee their man in the balls when they change positions in the dark? Just me? Ok...

[Legs and Sass @legsandsass]

It’s clear you’ve been married many years when you tell your hubs it’ll be romantic if he clips your toenails

[Legs and Sass @legsandsass]

Few things are better than the dog beside you in the recliner. Until he farts on you.

[Mark @mahkie_mahk]

NOODS FOR FOLLOWERS 🍝

[Helleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard]

Save time by drinking your beer on the toilet

[JustJackShit @chewed_onthis]

My life has become more of 50 shades of khaki.

[dan @dadopotamus]

i don’t remember anyone’s name you’re not special.

[ↁᎯᨆ⫯ᕍ✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿🟧🟦 @Davidnolastname]

3 rejected subtweets:

Is that your vag or a Jackson Pollock?

Those breasts need some air, no?

Do you even have a discernable talent?

[Legs and Sass @legsandsass]

Anyone else make their kid go to the door to meet the Domino’s driver because you don’t want to put pants on?

[The Evolving Arm @leftarmisme]

This time of year the inside of my nose is a battlefield of painful boogies.

[Legs and Sass @legsandsass]

I’m the kind of person who hits the McDonald’s drive thru for a cheeseburger after yoga

[Blind MellowJelly @BMellowjelly]

the 2nd best thing about having a younger gf is being able to send 90s era lyrics as an apology text

[Blind MellowJelly @BMellowjelly]

If I check your homepage and find myself saying ‘jesus christ’ to your pinned tweet, consider yourself followed.

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

My wife just used two paper plates to warm up leftovers in the microwave like we're some kind of millionaires.

[Bad Mikey @BadMikeyBad]

The thing that means nothing to you, might mean everything to somebody else.