lexy

i knew I could figure out how to create a twitter account! Comedian | UT

[lexy @lexygranthem]

Oh no! A forest fire! I was the only one who could prevent that.

[lexy @lexygranthem]

If America is 250 then that makes me 29

[lexy @lexygranthem]

If hand sanitizer will kill 99.9% of germs what else is it capable of

[lexy @lexygranthem]

Hand sanitizer kills 99.9% of germs. Thats a lot of germs but still not enough

[lexy @lexygranthem]

If the moon landing was fake then how would it have been one giant leap for mankind?

[lexy @lexygranthem]

I saw the coolest tattoo on my arm yesterday

[lexy @lexygranthem]

Do you ever want to just take a loaf of bread and smush it into a ball and throw it into your neighbors backyard

[lexy @lexygranthem]

There are plenty of fish in the sea so it’s okay if you want to kill them and eat them

[lexy @lexygranthem]

People emphasize learning how to tie your shoes. But what’s more important is learning which situations are appropriate to have your shoes tied.

[lexy @lexygranthem]

Nothing yet!🤞

[lexy @lexygranthem]

Would you rather:

1. Control the weather with your mind
2. Control the weather with your heart

[lexy @lexygranthem]

I always bring garbage with me on the plane so I have something to give to the flight attendant

[lexy @lexygranthem]

Most mall speed walkers actually need help. They’ve started going too fast and can’t slow down. But no one can help them. No one can catch up.

[lexy @lexygranthem]

People speed walk in the mall because there’s nothing hotter than a person who knows where they’re going

[lexy @lexygranthem]

Sometimes you see people running through the airport but they would get a better workout with outdoor interval training

[lexy @lexygranthem]

I finally found my library card! It had gotten into the wrong hands

[lexy @lexygranthem]

The mall has a miniature train, because they could not afford a normal sized train

[lexy @lexygranthem]

Malls have benches, because one bench would only fit up to 3 people

[lexy @lexygranthem]

Malls have fire exits because a fire should not be in the mall

[lexy @lexygranthem]

The mall owner graciously placed mall maps throughout its halls so mall employees know where to go