lizzie green

hobbies: soup making and soup eating

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

@SeanKenny18 omg visualizing this so hard

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

last night saw a guy with a mullet publicly throw up in a pool then go home with a girl 10x hotter than him. these are dark times friends

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

Me: no more being anyone’s bitch, only dignified work!!
Producer: hey we actually need a human door mat today, would you be available for that?
Me: OMG I’d be honored thank you for thinking of me ❤️

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

*buying a cactus*
Cactus Man: you know not to touch this right?
Me: yes

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

No exaggeration I would die before wading through that water

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

This is so heinous it has ruined my entire day

[Michael Gianaris @SenGianaris]

NEW YORK CITY: This is only going to get worse as Elsa passes through.

Please be safe and don’t go out unless absolutely necessary.

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

@erin5592 whoaaaa this has gotta be the good life, good life

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

I straight up cannot anymore

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

Man on FB marketplace: what kind of tv is that?
Me: TCL
Man: ah, one of my favorite brands!
Me: do u want it?
(Day passes)
Man: no I am interested in the Bar Shelf
Me: the bookshelf?
Man: no, the desk

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

Joaquin backwards is quinoa

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

Baseball stats are like “he has broken the record for fastballs pitched on a 68 degree night with a NE breeze while wearing white underwear”

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

Do you ever drive past a house you used to live in and think....my guinea pig’s bones are buried in that yard

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

Is it fucked up if I unfollow all the People Getting Married on insta? This is not a jealousy thing this is a "simply can't relate" thing

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

AP World textbook header in 75 years: The Roomba Revolution of 2046

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

why is it that every girl in a murder show has seen at least 14 people the night she got killed. cannot imagine going to more than 1 place between sleeps????

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

@thelizardl Back? These babies never left

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

Traveling this weekend with The Squad* (*my 4 diff rash creams)

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

Drank 2 cold brews and now the world is vibrating

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

Sociopathic

[lizzie green @lgreenbean]

Reminder to call your mom today so you can hear about the heating/cooling systems of her friends houses in suburban Missouri