Headguard

livin' like Larry #lifeguard #lifeguardproblems

[Headguard @LGuardProblems]

Locals be like “the pool still open?”

[1984’s George Whorewell @EwdatsGROSS]

📍me
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📍taking care of myself |
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📍drinking so much iced coffee I spiral into a caffeine panic that makes me feel awake but also like I’m dying

[LF Lifeguard @LF_Lifeguard]

When I see someone wearing their swim cap sideways.

[LF Lifeguard @LF_Lifeguard]

When you try to yell “WALK” while you’re mid-yawn and the noise that comes out of your mouth sounds something like an angry moose instead of “WALK”.

[Tasia, The Final One @GroovyTasia]

You didn't say I couldn't fill the jacuzzi with mac and cheese

[LF Lifeguard @LF_Lifeguard]

Don’t take my resting bitch face personally. I’m on my 6th hour of guarding.

[Headguard @LGuardProblems]

I’m kinda impressed that he asked. Swimmers at my pool just assume it’s a toilet.

[Lifeguard Problems @LGprobz]

Swimmer: Is that the pool?

Me: That massive hole in the ground, full of water, with people swimming in... No mate.

#lifeguardproblems

[cole hersch ⑦ @ColesTwitt3r]

what are my resolutions? i thought you’d never ask.

-no running at pool (to prove to beautiful lifeguard that i understand rules)

-adapt to high temperatures (for holding head under hot tub, to impress lifeguard.)

-invent water-proof book (for reading with head under hot tub)

[Headguard @LGuardProblems]

Me, swimming for my paycheck, wasting everyone’s time because I’m too tired to take anything seriously

[Headguard @LGuardProblems]

TFW you’re guarding an empty pool after a fecal incident

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

One of the dumbest things we’re taught as kids is we must respect our elders. Nobody deserves your respect just because they were born before you. A lot of you are much younger than me & the idea that you should respect me cos of my age is dumb. Respect me for my muscular thighs.

[LF Lifeguard @LF_Lifeguard]

Some people do the craziest stretches just to get in and swim breaststroke 1 mile an hour.

[introvert @livewithnoregrt]

No Noise November. everyone shut up

[Headguard @LGuardProblems]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[Keefler @Keefler_Elf]

if you ask a coworker “how are you” and they say “well, im here” that loosely translates to “i need you to push me off the roof. we can make it look like an accident. if i die, im finally free. if i live, we’ll sue this place and split the money. please for the love of god help m