lifeless wig

"two thumbs all the way up"

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pointing at myself and asking "Is this woman bothering you?"

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@calmandfunny Merry Christmas!

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Fine I’ll say it. I fucked Santa today

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@midwestrecliner I didn’t even want to look at my own I was too embarrassed

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I’m always surprised to see everyone share their Spotify wrapped this time of year. I believe that music can only be truly enjoyed in deep shame and secrecy

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Only 3 weeks until I fuck Santa

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Due to popular demand I have redownloaded this app for the holiday season. Foreplay with Santa starts tomorrow ❤️

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Aaron won’t let me do a bit for our wedding where we plan it for Michigan game day and we have an unplugged ceremony where I take everyone’s phones at the door :(

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Bare with me I was locked in an escape room for my best friend’s birthday last night and I’m a little behind on the news

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They should make Criterion for girls

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Happy jello shot awareness day

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I can’t believe it’s already fiscal year 2025

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@whichoedipus One of my friends lived next door to this house growing up and I always thought it was weird!

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What is this toy that I have from my childhood… has anyone ever seen such a creature

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Just got back from a Fun, Casual Joint

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I’ve been released!

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Help I’m working from home and having the exterior of my house painted and the painters taped me inside and I’m too polite to ask them to free me

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Every woman has a normal relationship with her dad

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The top google review for this mental health provider is killing me

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Scrolling through hundreds of letterboxd reviews to find a single person who shares my opinion

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My friend accidentally texted the girls group chat “Hey laddies” instead of “Hey ladies” one time years ago and she will pay for it for the rest of her life