garrett

I'm 6'1 listen to my band

[garrett @lilbacterium]

how im tryna be

[j1zzman @jasmineand3rson]

sometimes during social interactions i can feel myself taking poison damage

[c @c110101101]

They put Kill Yo Self in the pollen this year

[j1zzman @jasmineand3rson]

our son @lilbacterium

[garrett @lilbacterium]

white people be like I need to have my caramel soda

[j1zzman @jasmineand3rson]

the starbucks cake pop does not owe you androgyny

[garrett @lilbacterium]

i’m fermenting prison wine in the mother toilet

[garrett @lilbacterium]

I need my amino acids rearranged in new and complex ways

[feygele 🧚🏼 @unclevanya69]

they're calling it Excruciating Pain Wednesday

[Conner O'Malley @conner_omalley]

I’m 62 years old, I live in Tampa, I eat corn and beef everyday, I always have a titleist hat on, and Iran is the biggest threat to my freedom

[Greg the Sorcerer @gregthesorcerer]

Central rural Wisconsin is comprised mostly of medieval villages and the occasional roving band of orc marauders

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

People are so dramatic about rent. If you have a decent job it really shouldn't take too long to save up $2,000.

*someone whispers in my ear*

Every MONTH??

[garrett @lilbacterium]

is that druski I can’t tell anymore

[JAKE SING @jakesing_]

THEY’RE ONTO ME GANG 🥀🇺🇸🦅 #nihowdy #america #asian #funny

[im unc @bl1sterex1sts]

The dog in me wants to eat chocolate and die

[garrett @lilbacterium]

🤦‍♂️

[j1zzman @jasmineand3rson]

diet coke in the morning, tummy take warning. diet coke at night, tummy’s delight.

[❥ 𝑪𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒆 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑭𝒂𝒏𝒔 ❥ @tonyhawktruther]

That time of year again. Trying to fit 2 inches of pecker through 5 inches of Carhartt to take a leak

[garrett @lilbacterium]

they shaved oscar the grouch and made fast fashion out of Him

[garrett @lilbacterium]

dude did you seriously just forget to hail to the pumpkin song 🤦‍♂️

[Blake ™ @NeilNevins]

(Picks up the phone) “hello?” (mouths “it’s Spider!” to my wife)

[❥ 𝑪𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒆 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑭𝒂𝒏𝒔 ❥ @tonyhawktruther]

White people will kill their whole family and the judge will say No kissing your dog on the lips for 2 weeks