lilly

[helena riley @freshhel]

I love my little cat i wish he could wear sweatpants or drive a car but it’s okay that he can’t. Like it’s fine

[lilly @lillygley]

Crouton is so mad I left his ass at home when I went to work 😂😂

[dana donnelly @danadonnelly]

relationships should be 50/50. he drives the car, i stare at my phone and when he asks me “what’s my exit?” i say “hold on im looking at something!” and then we miss the exit.

[lilly @lillygley]

@Jenny4522 yessss I had to YouTube how to do it lol 🥴 it’s a form of ironing

[lilly @lillygley]

It was supposed to be hot girl summer but here I am starching some cowboys jeans on a friday afternoon

[lilly @lillygley]

@Jenny4522 @chelashiroma plzzzz why does it look graceful ?

[lilly @lillygley]

the only reason I didn’t become a surgeon is because I don’t want to wear those stupid little glasses with the stupid little microscopes on them

[gage. @itsmegangage]

WE WERE LITERALLY BORN ONTO A PLANET THAT GROWS FOOD HOW DID WE FUCK UP SO BAD THAT I GOT A CREDIT SCORE

[$hiv @Shiv0265]

Mathematics be like :
log(😅) =💧log(😄)

[Caitlin @caithuls]

I do not want to do my little tasks

[Dave Portnoy @stoolpresidente]

If this guy wants a job I’ll hire him on the spot no questions asked

[i praydalor my sodakeep @almondtiddies]

dudes will literally stick a feather in their cap and call it macaroni and see nothing wrong with that

[James @CaucasianJames]

i want to sword fight mark zuckerberg at his lake house. and if i win he must return all my personal data

[lilly @lillygley]

“I have to run errands”
(I need to drop coin at target and I have a nail appointment and ~maybe~ I’ll put $20 of gas in my tank on the way to Starbucks)

[lilly @lillygley]

in one shift my patient called 47 times. 3 of those times she asked me to scratch her butt and one time was to show me her booger.

#nurselife

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Just met a 1 year old named Barbara. Didn’t know they were doing that!

[gary from teen mom @garyfromteenmom]

society has progressed past the need for honeydew