Lily Smith

I'm my own worst enemy, in spite of stiff competition.

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

So, what does #PresidentMusk have for us today?

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

Ah, the Poundland master of puppets, directing from a safe distance in case he gets decked by an angry nan.

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

@fourfoot I can't stop watching it. I'm going to have to play it on the telly so my mum can fully appreciate it.

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

Revelations today, as I hauled my new mattress up the stairs;

I have inadvertently ordered the world's heaviest mattress, and;

I am currently at my least strong, possibly since birth.

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

Sick of seeing Farage's letterbox gob.

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

A trailer came on for Dalgliesh on 5 and mum asked if it was about Kenny Dalglish, and now I want to watch King Kenny investigating a murder.

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

I'm good at keeping myself entertained.

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

@missy_von And Spencer

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

Me - I made this jewellery and committed some art, and also I got some vintage stuff, would you like anything?
Customers - er, no thanks. But do you have any stinky old paper with rusty staples in it?
Me - You want that?
Customers - YES PLEASE!

People are weird.

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

@missy_von I'm starting a new shop, Exclusively Stinking Rusty Old Shite.

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

My 96-year-old, 5ft nothing mother just called Putin a little squirt and said she can blow him over. She's pretty certain she could have him in a fight.

[PulpedArt @PulpedArt]

Getting ready for #folksycraftdrop

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

@MisterABK I'm a bit worried that the venue has only just noticed the building isn't ready.

[PulpedArt @PulpedArt]

Happy Friday, bots! Here's what I've been up to this week, all available from https://t.co/kWH3QNJ6SK

Now I'm going for a nice cup of tea and a lie down in a darkened room.

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

Five points for a (minimum) four year old goth joke ?! #Taskmaster

[PulpedArt @PulpedArt]

Everybody gotta be something. So why not https://t.co/8RZBTdayGp

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

@XploreHollywood "18 or below". I'm 51.

[Lily Smith @liltinker]

Aldi is in the forefront of the fight against spoon crime.

[PulpedArt @PulpedArt]

Guess who's having a sale?

ME!

(Yes, again. It's fine. Shut up.)

https://t.co/klZuaQ7WKP

[PulpedArt @PulpedArt]

https://t.co/oAXFqNc1gY

Me and my one-track mind.