Lindsey Thomas

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

@kidcooop 😍😍😍

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

My 2 year old is so woke, she screams when I wear charcoal masks.
#forlike20minutes #Ithinkifuckedup #traumatized

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

What did Minions do to deserve being in all the shitty/ white lady memes?

[John Cena @SohnCena]

Stranger: oh aren’t you cute how old are you?

3yo: three.

Stranger: Aw precious. Have a nice day!

3yo: daddy why did that lady talk to me?

Me: sometimes strangers talk to us.

3yo: I wish they wouldn’t.

Me: amen to that.

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

Rose told a lady at the grocery store she liked her cool pajamas 😬 #2yearoldssaythedarndestthings

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

As Rose is throwing a fit
Chas: As the classic artist Bertell once said: "She get it from her momma"
#sassy #wednesdaythoughts #likemotherlikedaughter

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

Apparently Relient K has been suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder since 2004.
#highof75 #RelientK

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

@pen14club @KimmyMonte Please pick a side, you're already
A skid mark in the street
I hit you, I hit you

[VICE @VICE]

She flipped everyone off as she exited the plane. https://t.co/AN71OpapqD

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

Little cousin said I looked pretty good without makeup. Except for the giant hole in my cheek when I smile...
You mean my dimple?
Yeah, it's just creepy.

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

2 quizzes due tonight. Perfect time to watch @andrewmcmahon videos! #strawdog #somethingcorporate #jacksmannequin

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

Chas telling me about menopause "It happens when a woman runs out of eggs. Dont you know you have a limited amount!" #shitmyhusbandsays

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

9 year old cousin has to report any bad words he hears on YouTube to Grandma. He tells her the guy said damn. She asked for context and he says:
I think he was a vegetarian because he said "I'm going to beat my damn meat!"
😐

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

While passing a Ted Yoho sign Chas says:
"Why the fuck wouldnt he have a pirate campaign? Yo ho, yo ho, you better vote for me!"
I mean, that's just bad marketing. #shitmyhusbandsays

[Dad and Buried @DadandBuried]

Let’s get married and have kids so instead of using our years of education to change the world we can be butlers to tiny people who won’t stop screaming at us.

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

Watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
Chas: I can already tell, Goofy's gonna piss me the fuck off this episode.

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

Whenever Chas and I decide to improve our diets, he begrudgingly tells me that he will take on the task of eating the unhealthy food in the house. How selfless.

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

Update: Harold is the same guy who wrestled an alligator in our front yard 3 years ago. #Floridaman #gators #crazycatman #stillnewbestfriends

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

Made a new friend today. The 83 year old hermit in our neighborhood, Harold. He claims to have buried 31 cats this year... I believe him. #newfriends #crazycatman

[Lindsey Thomas @lindseytholt]

When one of your high school jams becomes a furniture commercial... #oldaf #myhumps #roomstogo #mystuff