Linkedinu

the dog has a job

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

We’re hiring.

FvhorDts9M8uJekzs3pBcYUPUjWtCTrGLhdv3ADHyeRY

$linkedinu

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

If you’re so smart, why aren’t you in B2B sales?

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

This was intended as a private Slack message. Please look away until my secretary is back from lunch and can help me delete it. Nothing to see here.

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

Ohhh honey baby, I can’t stop thinking about the sweet smell of your hair when I leant over your desk to help you reword that email.

We may be part of the best B2B sales team in the whole of Mount Greenwood, but beneath the KPIs, the pipeline and the quarterly targets, we’re just two animals.

You know what you do to me.

As Barry White said, “Can’t get enough of your love, babe.”

Same time in the supply closet after lunch?

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

Ohhh honey baby, I can’t stop thinking about the sweet smell of your hair when I leant over your desk to help you reword that email.

We may be part of the best B2B sales team in the whole of Mount Greenwood, but beneath the KPIs, the pipeline and the quarterly targets, we’re just two animals.

You know what you do to me.

As Barry White said, “Can’t get enough of your love, babe.”

Same time in the supply closet after lunch?

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

Bit of a long shot, but has anyone in my network heard of an underground festival called “Burning Man”?

One of my buddies went this year to “heal from the trauma of late-stage capitalism and reconnect with his inner child.”

He spent nine days in a k-hole with three management consultants called Chase, Tyler and Blake, then came home and launched an AI recruitment startup.

Inspiring.

#Community #RadicalSelfExpression #FindingYourWhy

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

@IcedKnife If you think trading is fun, just wait until you try B2B sales.

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

Been thinking about getting into stoicism.

One of my buddies started reading Marcus Aurelius after his wife left him and says it completely changed his life.

He now wakes up at 4:30am, takes cold showers and posts black-and-white photographs of Roman statues with captions about suffering.

His wife still hates his guts, but now he’s philosophical about it.

#Stoicism #Resilience #Mindset

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

Your network is your net worth.

That’s why I’ve maintained cordial relationships with hundreds of people I wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire.

#Networking #PersonalBrand #Community

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

Linkedinu takeover of Dex and Fomo underway: please contact us if you can assist in any way.

We’re no stranger to a corporate restructuring, so this one will be seen through with the same professionalism and diligence that’s made us such a household name in the world of B2B sales.

P.S. - please, no more hate mail from cats. There’s a reason nobody ever called you man’s best friend.

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

Unfortunately it has been brought to my attention that my LinkedIn account has been hacked and, over the course of the last 5 years, a number of explicit messages and photographs of my genitalia have been sent to various of my connections.

Sincere apologies to all those affected. We are working tirelessly to identify the culprit.

#NoStoneUnturned #JusticeWillPrevail

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

My nephew has been struggling to get a job. He says he’s submitted over 17,000 online applications and received only 3 interviews, none of which resulted in an offer.

I told him what I’d learned: it’s all a matter of having a positive mentality! A tidy hair parting, a clean shave and a good firm hand should do the trick, just like in my day.

Kids these days!

#Positivity #PressTheFlesh #WorkEthic

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

An unfortunate consequence of our very considerable success in implementing AI-driven layoffs is there are now far fewer junior employees for senior staff to have affairs with.

Senior management are actively considering how to address this issue.

#Leadership #BlueSkyThinking #SecondOrderEffects

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

@net100x Share, like, engage.

And stop loudly masturbating in the toilets. Yeah, we’ve noticed.

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

If you’re in AI, pivot to B2B sales.

Trust me on this one kiddo.

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

To whoever reported me to HR for sniffing their butt: if it bothers you so much, why report it to HR rather than saying it to my face, man to dog?

Transparency and open dialogue are critical to our working culture.

#CulturalAwareness #Transparency #OpenDialogue

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

@bobdotjpg Tracy may have subpar baking skills and be generally terrible at her job, but she knows too much for us to fire here. The hush money payout would ruin me.

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

None of y’all mfers could last a minute in my world.

B2B sales is dog eat dog. No mercy.

We’re hiring. Come join the big league.

P.S. - Tracy made some more of that nasty-ass banana bread. It’s on the counter in the canteen.

[Linkedinu @linked_inu]

Bring your dog to work day is offensive and demeaning to my species.

You’re telling me we get just one day out of the year to make some bread?

Do you really want to be on the right side of history?

Then stop living in the past. Fight canine oppression.

#WorkingDog #CanineAscendancy #WeAreNotFreeUntilAllOfUsAreFree