Lisa Ahman Schmidt

I drink and I quote things. Proud dog mom 💋🐶⚡️ “Be nice, until it’s time to not be nice” #schmidtstorm #iggyaussiemix

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

@sapankatwala Wow Sapan it’s SO good to hear from you! Even if it is about the Bills 😉 game on friend! Love ya koala

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

Happy to report mask wearing has really limited my dirty little nail biting habit! Don’t worry tho, I’ve replaced one bad behavior with another by constantly picking at my cuticles. It’s a massacre. I guess I am now a cuticle cream person #lifeinyour30s #anxiousyear

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

Why can’t my mobile phone have caller ID like my house landline did? That rando number calling me from my hometown has to be registered to someone, why can’t you tell me who it is? And no message? Just know it’s all your fault I screen my phone calls. No Doubt was right.

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

Well I was planning to read in bed until I fell asleep but Wings is on!? I just gotta see what shenanigans the gang’s up to at Sandpiper. This is like a hug from the 90s & it feels real good #latenighttv

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

Let’s talk about this #bestbuy commercial where this girl wants to buy almost $600 worth of gifts [yea I did the math] for her dad, mom & brother. Where you gettin that kinda money KID?! I know you haven’t been sittin on that stimulus check this whole time #bullshitbudget

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

Just over here unshowered rockin my weekend sweatpants & crafting a piñata. What’s your slow slip into madness lookin like?

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

The little neighbor girl outside [playing] screaming. Any minute now some masked psychopath is going to slowly walk by & really give her something to scream about. Alas, we adults simply won’t believe her warning because SCREAMING *Might be time to turn off the horror films, Lis

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

There’s a moment every morning when I’m brewing coffee I stop and look around for the dog poop. Why do they smell so similar at 7:30?! Oh it’s just me? Cool. #bestpartofwakinup

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

@missmarybecca Oh the joys of “the system” 🙄 I’m just glad to hear it’s a possibility for someone our age. On the list of ‘I’ll probably never...’ have life insurance is up there lol

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

@missmarybecca You have life insurance?! THAT’S real love right there

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

For a woman who’s NOT pregnant I have an alarming amount of cravings. My husband’s a saint for dealing with them without the promise of a tiny human #feedmeandtellmeimpretty

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

*Haven’t tweeted since May*

The world’s still a dumpster fire?

Fanfuckingtastic. Keep fighting the good fight ✊ #BLM

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

T - 5 min! 🚀 #SpaceX #launchamerica https://t.co/OlRcHtOv4t

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

Turns out, I can still sing The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers song from Winnie the Pooh. And I can do it before 9am on a Saturday. My husband’s a lucky man. **Ok it was most of the song, the bouncy, trouncy, yadda yadda, got a little dicey #randomstuff #didntknowiknewthat

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

“The president is like a petulant child” Grow the fuck up, wear a mask, get out of office you twat @realDonaldTrump https://t.co/zkVCjzzHrz

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

I love you. I know. 🖤

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

@allfleshisgrass Ugh lame, I’m sorry! Guess they don’t want to move that merchandise 🤷‍♀️

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

Woah @pier1 I know you’re closing up shop and I am genuinely sorry about that, BUT $169 for a white glove service I DONT WANT and can not remove from my order is ridiculous. It’s almost as expensive as the chair I don’t need but thought “hey maybe on sale...” nope.

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

@missmarybecca @pier1 YUP. My thoughts exactly! Some sale 🙄

[Lisa Ahman Schmidt @lisaslurry]

@missmarybecca @pier1 Yea! I’ve wanted a chair like this for a long time but $300 was always too steep. I thought the sale price was better but I am no paying for a service I’m not even sure they can/should provide during a pandemic. Strangers coming into my home? No thanks!