life in the world to quote

cw: nsfw jokes. don't take things too seriously. posts inconsistently.

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

I have to pee so fucking bad. It's making the weirdest shit come out of my mouth, man. I'm staring at Niagara Falls and my lower abdomen is just stiff and bloated. And I can, like, feel it...

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

Papa's getting special treatment tonight and you had to make that sacrifice.

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

Ask us a fucking question next time. And the question can't be "What do you think of my essay?"

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

Are you personally, dear listener, into feet? Be ashamed.

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

You dropped the F bomb a bunch of times! You fucking just launched into a tirade about sex trafficking... basically for no reason! You made me just vamp for a full minute and a half while you went and got Wendy's. This is the best episode we've ever done!

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

Are we bad people?

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

... We spent too much time talking about Italian people. Which is weird.

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

CD: Do we have anything else to say about dating that we didn't mention in the first episode?

WW: Well, there's gonna be a lot of... uh... bad... love.

CD: ... Is that- are we good? Did we do it?

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

WW: You said breast pocket and my first thought was.. in the fucking...

CD: INTO YOUR CLEAVAGE? I'm gonna stick a sweet little note in between your fucking titties.

WW: No, no, no!

CD: You can unwrap that yourself when you get back home.

WW: NO NO NO NO! STOP!

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

If we get pulled over, do NOT stop recording.

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

WW: I'm curious... what words did you invent and then define?

CD: Uh, I don't really remember. I used most of my time, uh, insulting you and your family.

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

CD: Yeah, no, I think I have Glumbo energy. I feel like if you were to show somebody pictures of both of us and be like "Which one of these guys is Glumbo?" they'd pick me every time.

WW: I think it's like a Kiki and Bouba thing?

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

I was never able to abuse a child of my own...

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

You have two options, Bug Woman. You can try in vain to fix your fucked up face or just throw it in the garbage because that's where it fucking belongs.

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

WW: There are plenty of pictures of my feet online.

CD: And to lust for them is an affront to God!

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

You were, like, actively identifying as a straight person. I remember having conversations with you where you were like "Nah, man, that would be gross!" but then you would go to a party and get fucking wasted and make out with a skinny boy with blue hair.

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

This is my son, Fuckhead. I named him that because I hate fuckheads.

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

Listen. I fuck a lot. And I do it responsibly. As you can see. You can't afford to not give me the intellectual property rights to sand.

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

I'm the host and you're what? You're- you're my bitch?

[life in the world to quote @litwtcquote]

CD: Bone... music... the left...

WW: ... Now I feel like you're just describing my career.