Simon

I made the clutch move of ordering us pizza at 1am…

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

yup

[Michael @_britmonkey]

Most political compass tests are stupid and outdated, so I have created a political test that only focuses on REAL ISSUES of the 2020s. 64 questions that score you on four axes, including "Chud v Woke" and "Techbro v Luddite"

Reply with your results & tell me if it was accurate

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

@AGoldmund idk she was pretty smart when she said "I never walk about after dark it's my point of view, cause someone could break your neck coming up behind you, always coming and you'd never have a clue"

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

Same noise I made when Sally Hawkins punched the blind girl in BRING HER BACK

[ClutchPoints @ClutchPoints]

Bill Simmons saw it coming in the Cavs' Anthony Bennett pick from the 2013 NBA Draft 🔮

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

Knicks fan: We’ve come a long way from Tingus Pingus am I right 😆

Kaia Gerber, in full Knicks gear: what the fuck are you talking about

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

A$AP Ferg raps like he’s explaining a riddle to Alice in Wonderland

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

got introduced to the new hire at the coffee shop next to my office as “one of the regulars”

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

big ups to James Dolan who has to listen to Trump talk about how big and beautiful and strong and handsome the players are for 2 1/2 hours straight

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

@Liam_The_Nerd Lead me to the shocking truth that he also wrote the screenplay to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang which is apparently based on an Ian Fleming novel too

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

Knicks: please bro we need you to hit some free throws
Mitchell Robinson:

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

Just got tickets to Game 3 at MSG. Wasn’t that expensive

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

“French” Canadians are the true indigenous people of Quebec. They have zero genetic or cultural links to the nation of France. Any sentiment otherwise is an imperialist lie

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

.@Ukraine @ZelenskyyUa run the dang ball

[Candace Owens @RealCandaceO]

I’m not sure what I was expecting but I wasn’t expecting this.
Moscow is an unbelievably beautiful city.

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

SGA when he has the ball in his hands

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

no disrespect to Shohei but “Feeling Good” by Michael Bublé is not epic baseball walk up music it’s sensual black-and-white Ferrero Rocher commercial music

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

Tom Brady probably hops out of the plastic surgery chair and looks at himself in the mirror and says "This looks awesome dude, thank you"

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

@Highdensity801 @ceaubin would be far more interesting of a portrayal than casting another bearded white guy for the 10000th time

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

the concept of raising a child at Park La Brea

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

You’re laughing. Stuart failed to save the universe and you’re laughing

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

Savana Bananas player: *hits a skibidi rizz homerun for 67 points, starts doing the renegade*

childless adult Bluey fan who voted for Trump in the nosebleeds: that was awesome

[Simon @LiveTweetSimon]

It’s crazy how half of all songs ever written are about love/romance/heartbreak and the other half are about going off the rails on a crazy train