Teddy T

trade me all your stuff for all my stuff. all my stuff is bugs.

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

guy next 2 me in the library watchin as i google “crazy lava lamp” soon everyones in on it hootin and hoolerin, librarian handin out mojitos

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

pretty chill that my dna test said i was related to “techno”

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

ha haha aw look at baby in a suit, hes a huuge baby cryin lil baby tears “objection yr honor” aww now other baby is talkin. a talkin lil bab

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

Consider a bird. Consider its wings: open in the sky, closed in the tree. Whats it hiding? Whats it got under there? Welcome to BirdSecurity

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

we all have sad childhood memories but we dont all get to reflect on them while sitting in a white velvet bball court. only shaq can do that

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

lol these loser aliens that monitor the earth are only just now getting cher’s ‘believe’. YA NO KIDDING ITS AWESOME u out of date dads

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

a wolf took over and he’ll just bite off all your hair. he bit off all my hair and now im bald. bad supercuts, fellow yelpers avoid

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

ive done graffiti penmanship analysis 4 years but never hav i had a 96% LoveMatch so can the writer of BUTTSCHOOL plz come to my office asap

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

drew carey just stepped out of my tv like that girl in the ring only instead of trying to kill me hes just drinkin heavily :(

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

sum ppl said the world took a turn 4 the worse when the skeletons won but i said it took turn 4 the hearse. NOW IM A MAYOR, BOY IS IT SCARY

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

god sees all the demigods hangin out, cant remembr if he designed them to interlock into 1 full god. ‘hav a good wknd’ he say, walkin faster

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

“dont date the player date the game” –the rapper the game

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

gentlemen its the dawn of a new monster trend. we did vampires, we did zombies, now its time for: bigger vampires ~boardroom gasps, amazed

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

after 9 weeks of wasting half his days watching the stunt double, he finally said it: ‘more like the bored identity’

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

“i cnat believe this!” he yells as his beard of bees turns on him. “i would expect this from the others but not u” he says to 1 specific bee

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

everyone ignores the fact that the SS Mutiny is actually named for our last captain, Jerry Mutiny. theyre just soo focused on how we ate him

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

How come when jesus walks on water every1 worships him but when i waterski in the wavepool they cheer n say im pool king? BECAUSE OF AQUALAW

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

dont sit idly by while The Man destroys our nations forests. hes only One Man. he could probably use help. his back probably hurts, poor Guy

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

what if all the grocery stores turn into grossery stores and only sell the gross stuff. what will we eat. will we eat weird fish. #TEDtalks

[Teddy T @lizard_wizard77]

so cellblock A is games, the drunktank is the dunktank- HEY STOP USING THE DARTS 2 GET YR CUFFS OFF. AM I THE ONLY 1 WHO WANTS A PRISON FAIR