Lizard

adultish

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

The best part of sports is the non-spoken industry agreement of which teams are the worst to host (for broad or specific reasons).

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

Round two of covid has me very anti egg texture and a hater of carbonation

This is not good news for the quiche and 36 cans of seltzers in my fridge

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

It’s that time of year again.. are they very enthusiastic volunteers or are they just tryna be my sugar daddy?

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

When people ask “what is your favorite ~insert thing here~?”

Y’all have straight forward favorites? It doesn’t depend on your mood or the season?

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

If you search for grooming, be sure to specify you mean “DOG grooming” bc those search results were VERY DIFFERENT types of grooming

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

Original ticket holders taking advantage of making money off “verified resale” are the fucking worst.

[Chad Johnson @ochocinco]

Can someone explain how the diehard fans of these teams are suppose to support their team & attend the game❓

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

Does anyone actually care about this game tonight? I work in sports and nearly forgot it was tonight..

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

My brain has now been conditioned to read vacation as vaccine.

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

If you can see my forehead vein.. you know the headache is real. ❤️

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

Do random memories ever pop into your head?

I just transported back to freshman year of college, doing laundry in the dorm basement. Someone was wearing slippers that resembled little sleeping bags. Those little red sleeping bag slippers will forever be in my brain’s scrapbook.

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

Queue the Christmas ads…

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

I never thought ~people driving on to rocks~ would become such a regular occurrence in the news cycle until I moved to Omaha.

[Omaha Scanner @omaha_scanner]

Hazard: 70th and Dodge St.
Vehicle has mounted the rock.

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

When someone asks for a couple of beers? How many beers do you give them?

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

My mom asked if I have gotten taller and I, a 27 year old, am going to LOSE MY MIND if I have.

I’m already +1.5 inches SINCE college.

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

So hear me out… a dating app but for a gym partner? Someone get on that, thanks.

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

what’s the point in having a recording option on Hulu if you can’t fast forward through the same 3 commercials

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

Literally no one wants heart shaped jewelry and if they do that’s a straight up red flag

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

Friendly reminder that there are humans waaaay down the command chain that are behind the social media accounts that y’all like to threaten

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

Why are crossfit people obsessed with handstands???

[Lizard @lizardbeth4]

Coconut water sucks. There I said it.