Magic: The Scatterbrained

Paste/Lizard | They/He | Resident sarcastic asshole | Hot for Atlas from Bioshock | officially blocked by Scientology and TRAPT | Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

I will never make 2 trips to carry in my groceries from the car. Never. I will die first

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

This has "I sneezed out a tampon" energy. Jokes on y'all, I've done that too.

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

This is 200% TMI and NSFW, but masturbating with allergies is a hell of a thing. One time I literally sneezed a dildo out of myself

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

Me to a friend: I wanna rip this guy apart

My friend: I thought you liked him?

Me: I meant sexually

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

@smolninaLia Listen, there's cat litter everywhere

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

Get you a guy who thinks it's cute that you're confused and afraid after finding a piece of cat litter in your own butt crack during sex

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

Like, babe, did I TELL you to stop??

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

Him: insulting and degrading me because I told him it turns me on

Also him: starts getting concerned and apologizing to make sure he didn't hurt me feelings

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

I just know at one point I'll be having phone sex with this guy and the guest service "Absolutely!" is gonna come out

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

I'm watching this episode of House, and I'm not gonna lie. I would kill to be that girl in the bathtub getting my toes nibbled by Hugh Laurie

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

@CarlFilip19 Okay boomer

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

Acceptable Boomer: Dan Povenmire, who is less acceptable and more absolutely spectacular

Unacceptable Boomer: Butch Hartman, who is a walking dumpster fire

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

Knowing my toxic ex hasn't move past their IFH phase honestly makes me laugh

They're never gonna change

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

Why Twitter gave me a spaces notification for Hypnotist Sappho, I will never know. But I seem to have stumbled upon some sort of zoophile ring and it makes me want to barf

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

@smolninaLia I am sad and horny for conversation

And just horny idk

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

If you're gonna match with me on a dating app at least message me back you mongoloids

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

@smolninaLia That's why trans women ended up higher than cis women.

The cis are afraid to Dom me, but trans ladies aren't and I deeply appreciate that

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

My friend trying to play matchmaker for me: okay so no cis men because we don't want to deal with that

Me, who is predominantly attracted to cis men: *sweats*

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

... I feel like the attraction scale has a lot to do with the fact that I've found women and Femme presenting individuals are less likely to Dom me

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

As a bi person, my scale of attraction basically goes:

ALL Men (cis and trans)
Masc nb
Trans women
Femme nb
Cis women

I am attracted to all, but more attracted to those higher on the list

[Magic: The Scatterbrained @lizardfishbird]

Did Randy Marsh ever realized that he could have just turned his balls sideways and he would have fit through the weed shop door? Huh, @SouthPark?