Deranged Marriage

a sentient sapling with testosterone coursing through his xylem and/or phloem

[Deranged Marriage @lizardvacuum]

The italianx urge to snack on meats & cheeses for a few midday hours instead of eating an actual lunch

[Ppallo @Ppallo]

I keep giving the therapist gold like "She was more into fast casual restaurants and sit down love making, and I was the opposite" and all he gives me in response are leading questions such as "Is it important to you that I find you funny?"

[Samuel J. May @sjmay92]

"You say yes, and you never do it"
Mel Brooks on dealing with studio executives...

[josh! @queersocialism]

my least favorite thing about social media is just how many people try to make their personal animus toward certain person/place/thing a social justice issue while pretending their obsession with surveilling/critiquing xyz is some form of activism in and of itself

[Deranged Marriage @lizardvacuum]

My community is beyond parody

[ellisima 🪆 @NICKYSNlCHOLS]

happy pride kiddos i love you all ♥️🏳️‍🌈

[Deranged Marriage @lizardvacuum]

@kara_janell Boy howdy it sure is

[Deranged Marriage @lizardvacuum]

@pandem1cleo The one close friend I have that lives in Cleveland Heights has more justified rage towards other drivers than anyone else I know

[Deranged Marriage @lizardvacuum]

@Maladroithe Grape nuts are delicious aquarium gravel

[Deranged Marriage @lizardvacuum]

@grovymango This homemade Mac n cheese was next level

[SLUG @generalslug]

more from this site

[Jake Flores 🇵🇸🇲🇽 @feraljokes]

The only sane response to "I'm quitting my job" is "congratulations"

[Deranged Marriage @lizardvacuum]

@EmissaryOfNight Grand Old Flag

[Deranged Marriage @lizardvacuum]

@StevieSarado He is unfortunately a member of the canton city council ://///

[Deranged Marriage @lizardvacuum]

Going to municipal court over my hazardous clover lawn tomorrow everyone wish me luck!!

The clover is blooming and I’m working on this wall and I simply wish the lawn nazi would leave me alone

[Deranged Marriage @lizardvacuum]

@LAlNLAlN Mf has never been to the Andes I guess

[depths of wikipedia! @depthsofwiki]

when I’m sad it’s comforting to remember that at least I’m not as sad as the chronically depressed loaf of bread that’s a muppet-type character on German kids’ TV

[Deranged Marriage @lizardvacuum]

@phiafacetious