Liz Hefka

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

This is honestly the best day of my life. I’m not even exaggerating

[Deadline @DEADLINE]

Fran Drescher, Rachel Bloom Developing ‘The Nanny’ Broadway Musical Inspired By ’90s Sitcom https://t.co/0fPPH7dpfs

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

@snotbubblekatie *Beer can tosses included*

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

@snotbubblekatie Move in with me.. we have a skateboard gang that terrorizes the neighborhood weekly

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

When people ask how the puppy thing is going:

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

@snotbubblekatie @rhefka

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

My moms favorite holiday song

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

My new neighbor: Here’s my prison ID card... Me: Odd flex but okay

[Spencer Pratt @spencerpratt]

Red wine def one of the best things to ever happen to me

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

I can’t wait to have my own house so that I can stock the fridge with only the lacroix flavors I like

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

2-year-old: *screeches*

Me: What's the emergency?

2: I need cheese.

That is an emergency.

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

Big things happened in the Hefka house today...

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

@_Liinzz One time a girl told me how many calories were in the pickle I was eating... I’ll never understand people who ruin good things 🙄

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

Me to myself usually https://t.co/WhWI9tedDD

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

5-year-old: We're out of chocolate cake.

Me: We didn't have any chocolate cake in the first place.

5: Time for a refill.

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

I can no longer say I’ve never been stung by anything. Just stepped on a bee in my own house. It was as traumatic as it sounds

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

Yesterday my brother saw some burns (that I thought were looking much better) and basically backed away in disgust and said “ew looks like the stigmata.” And that is the only thing he took from his Catholic school education. An insult.

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

My sister at the symphony *in the very back row* *whispered voice*: “Wow is that a harp? They really have everything”

[Este Haim @jizziemcguire]

not drunk, just living my truth https://t.co/WTARWSCenR

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

everybody who posts a picture of their boyfriends today and refers to them as “this goober” is committing a hate crime against me personally

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

I send myself tweets that I think I’ll find funny later. Basically, I’m crushing being single 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Liz Hefka @lizhefka]

Every now and then I feel a wave of sadness because I have not (and might not ever!!!!!) smelled @KimKardashian’s perfumes... does this mean it’s time to delete social media?