Lizard

Self-diagnosed hypochondriac

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

This is my legacy

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

One week of the sun setting before 5pm

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

Sorry but I think if you're responsible for an entire left turn lane missing a light, you should go to jail

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

What am I supposed to do when I have a random shift off in the middle of working nights like

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

I can only describe the crowd waiting for this Friday night Frontier flight to Vegas as pleasantly unhinged

[Sublime 🧷 @Tavietavie]

I miss mall culture. Being able to get an outfit the day of an event and some auntie Anne's! Smh we used to be a country.

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

Apologies to the babies

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

Man I love pediatrics. Yes, yes they did.

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

Really making a name for myself here (accidentally throwing away expensive sharps)

[Ryan Teague Beckwith @ryanbeckwith]

come find me on the new social network called "sitting near me at work" where I will give you one-liners and responses to the news when you are concentrating on a spreadsheet

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

"Sometimes I feel like I'm in my own personal limousine"

- on taking the CTA bus

[james tom @jestom]

imagine counting tweets. can u count grains of sand on the beach? stars in the sky?

[Matthew Sweet @DrMatthewSweet]

Elon Musk is like a Scooby Doo villain who dresses up as a ghost to scare everyone away from the theme park but forgets that his business is theme parks

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

Trying to explain to my dog that we can't go on a long walk because of the aqi

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

With each pager I acquire I move further back in time

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

Starting the first day of my residency in the NICU tomorrow!

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

“Yeah I’m interested in pediatrics”

[Lizard @lizmurph12]

Receiving hospital pagers today*

"How do we charge it?"

"It takes 1 AA battery"

[Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources @waDNR]

To avoid straining your eyes at work, use the 20-20-20 rule: Every 20 minutes, go for a 20-minute hike and spend the next 20 years in the woods.