lizard

I’m just joking. If you’re reading this venmo me $5.

[pasta thots🇵🇸 @muppetspice]

if u need me this is where I’ll be

[deedee megadoodoo @givemebudlight]

daily affirmations
- everyone hates me
- i have an off-putting vibe
- they’re coming

[🔪 (they/them) @em0dads_]

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning

[aidan @manfreakbeast]

just spent $12. i have to fucking kill myself

[Playball Carti @PlayballCarti]

Real blimp heads know how rare this is

[jbolina jolie @pastapilled]

Leaving my warm bed and warm guy to go to my cruel job.. 😔 like if you cried

[fried rice enthusiast @talnottowel]

can i come over and just stay

[noah❦(beanlette) @beanlette_]

i didnt forget u microsoft word 2007 text wrap dog

[˖ ࣪⟡𝕭𝖑𝖆𝖟𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖔𝖙𝖍⟡ ࣪˖ @Blazingothx]

when i dont text back it’s bc i’m busy. when you dont text back it’s bc you hate me & want me to die

[sav @goldensavvv]

he's mad at me cause i keep replying "🧯" to every girl that comments “🔥” on his pictures

[Steve Gleason - "Live Impossible" @SteveGleason]

Name the time and place.

#NoWhiteFlags

[The Notorious J.O.V. @whotfisjovana]

︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎

[Chloe @b_l_u_s_h_i_n_g]

My phone is always on Do Not Disturb because I like the little moon

[lizard @lizzcann]

2 things u can never trust is a man and a fart

[regular sadmeister @gardeinqueen]

silly string is just string to a sick fuck like me

[cinesthetic. @TheCinesthetic]

the opening scene in the social network took three weeks to cut

[ned! @nedsore]

hyping myself up in the bathroom at a house party

[sliccmic 𖤐 @sliccmic]

andy samberg look alike competition at my house this weekend dm for addy

[coldslaw @ColdSlaw444]

flight tickets should cost $5 roundtrip if you’re flying to see someone you really miss and love