funnytweets

Here to tickle your funny bone. Feeling bored? Then check out my tweets. Please RT it means a lot. :) FYI: Some tweets are not mine!! Tweet me for followback :)

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

Me: *has a lot to do*

Me: *takes online quiz to find out which flavour potato chip I am*

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

*wakes up in the middle of the night*

Me: plz don't be 6am

*01:28am*

Me: MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO ME !!

*shoves face back into pillow*

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

Doctor: Can you show me where the pain is coming from?

Me: *shows a text that has been seen with no reply*

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

Interviewer: So what do you have planned for the future?
Me: Lunch !!
Interviewer: No like long term.
Me: Ohh.....dinner !!

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

Me: I will not be awkward today.
Person: Hey !!!
Me: Good, thanks !!

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

The awkward moment when you are actually telling the truth but you laugh during it, and everybody thinks you are lying..

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

Me: i'm so tired, i'm gonna sleep right away

Me: *checks timeline*
*checks ig*
* checks snap*
*watches 27 videos*
*eats 5 course meal*

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

Three things I am good at:

1) Being single
2) Over - eating
3) Jumping to conclusions

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

Me: will you grow !!

Hair: no
Legs: no
Boobs: no
Mind: no
Stomach: OH Yes !!
Thighs: SURE THANG !!

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

6 am: tired
9 am: tired
1 pm: tired
3 pm: tired
5 pm: tired
7 pm: tired
9 pm: tired

Bedtime: ENNNEERRRGGGYYYY

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

911: Whats your emergency?
Me: I love you.

911: Hang up !!
Me: No you hang up

911: STOP !!
Me: This is so us

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

Relationship Status:

*Looking for a free WiFi connection*

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

Me: *has a lot to do*

Me: *takes online quiz to find out which flavour potato chip I am*

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

[Me driving]

Me: *singing*

Me: FUCKING GO YOU STUPID BITCH WHO TAUGHT YOU TO DRIVE !!!

Me: *continues singing*

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

Interviewer: are you a risk taker?

Me: opens ex-instagram & likes a photo from 11 months ago

Interviewer: holy shit you are hired

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

Three stages of life:

1) Birth
2) What the fuck is this
3) Death

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

When your crush uploads a new selfie.. 😂😂

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

When you mad at bae...

[funnytweets @LMAOTweets_]

Men have two options:

1) Lose any argument and say sorry..

2) Win any argument, make her angry, and then say sorry..