Laura Simons

consistently inconsistent with a sprinkle of sarcasm and bad jokes

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

Girls be like: “this is my beautiful goddess of a best friend. I would die for her”

Guys be like: “see that washed up sewer rat piece of shit over there? Yeah that’s my best buddy.”

[Micheal Afolaranmi @TheAfolaranmi]

me posting while I haven’t replied to my friends texts

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

I’m convinced a McDonald’s coke could bring back the dead.

[Molly ☾ @MollySingleton3]

Is it trauma or is it intuition

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

@ActuallySar We will win.

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

@m3ganific3nt You’re a beautiful full chip dipped in Lawson’s. No less

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

Is my car “messy” or have I just made certain there’s absolutely no room for someone to hide in my backseat and murder me???

[Arielle Dundas @ArielleDundas]

In order to achieve my dreams I have to pursue them.

[trash jones @jzux]

everyone i know in their late 20s is having an existential crisis because we skipped our mid 20s in the pandemic. relationships fast-tracked, careers faltered, we lost those core identity-building years and now we feel like 23-year-old brains in bodies approaching 30

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

The wild thing about being over a year deep in therapy is now when I see grown adults throwing temper tantrums and screaming at a cashier I always think ‘hmm, they probably weren’t held much as a child’

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

And you know damn well for you, I would ruin myself a million little times.

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

@ActuallySar Oh my god

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

Sometimes a woman is the sum of all the things her father ain’t

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

@alltooriah I only eat a hotdog maybe twice a year but we need these @ActuallySar

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

@ActuallySar I’ll get you hooked, just wait

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

@mulburied HAHAH yes

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

A lot of you have never had to deal with a grown adult throwing a temper tantrum for having to sit at a table instead of a booth, and for that I am jealous.

[Laura Simons @lo_simonsx11]

We must protect @GeorgeStrait at all costs

[Pastrami Mommy @ewelannawhite]

when i find out there’s a cat at the party but they’re locked in the bedroom