Tyler

A parody account for my life. he/him

[John (Anarcho Cat) @anarcho_cat]

Queen @AnaKasparian

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

What a rotten deal we made with Iran. We get nothing (except laughter at our stupidity). They get everything, including delay and big cash!

[mike ☭ 🇵🇸🔻 @__mike91]

i watched every single major western news outlet deny the most obvious genocide in history

[ella devi @ellad3vi]

they were parading elmo's head around on a pike last night

[kev joon @never_oppressed]

We should let Zohran do a second 9/11 now

[selene @hajinights]

this is embarrassing

[Deer in Places they Shouldn't Be @deershouldnt]

that's fucked up....

[Chief @chiefflips]

@cornski it’ll forever live on

[Corn ✧⍣ @cornski]

they needa hang that Zack Fox tweet in a museum

[Crylo 🔜 AC, FURRYDELPHIA @thatgreenracc]

if I worked a 12 hour shift and my partner said they'd make me dinner and I came home to this I'd plow them through the bedframe icl

[gooch gobbler™ @gnarlywolf_]

*having sex with a bad person* i’m separating the art from the artist

[Tyler @Lob_str]

If a bus driver ever honked at me I think I’d have to kill myself in shame. Just saw it happen to someone and got second hand embarrassment

[Tyler @Lob_str]

@rxscrip 😢💕

[KYO @ThaKidKY0_]

this video kills me all the time why does he have a 3 second realisation of his existence and forgets it a frame after

[Austine @theereal_one]

LMFAO lil buddy is homophobic 😭😭

[Sly 🔎 @ykslyy]

I still think about this French girl trying to say “burger” almost every day 😭😭

[Bryan Johnson @bryan_johnson]

🚨 I HAVE NO MICROPLASTICS IN MY BALLS 🚨

This should not be possible.

Studies show that 100% of men have microplastics in their semen. I am the first human ever to show a complete reduction to zero.

This may be a world-first breakthrough in fertility research.

I had 165 microplastic particles in my semen just 18 months ago. Now, I have zero.

Five published studies have measured microplastics in human semen. Two found them in 100% of men. The other three found then in 44 to 76% of men tested, but those used methods that miss the smallest particles and the clear ones. Corrected for that, the real rate is likely 100%. Almost every man alive has plastic in his semen right now. The same applies to testicular tissue, testing 100% positive for microplastics.

Microplastics hurt sperm.

Human studies show the impact of various types of plastic, associated chemicals, and other toxins on male fertility:

+ 60% fewer normal shaped sperm (from PFAS)
+ 5x higher odds of low sperm count (from PTFE)
+ 10% lower sperm concentration (from PTFE)
+ 15% lower swimming ability (from PTFE)
+ 41% lower swimming ability (from PET)
+ 12% lower sperm swimming ability (from BPA)
+ 3x higher odds of low sperm count (from Phthalates)
+ 2x higher odds of poor swimming (from Phthalates)

The effects compound: each extra type of plastic drops sperm swimming ability by about 21%.

This matters even if you’re NOT trying to get pregnant.

Sperm count is one of the cleanest biomarkers of overall health we have. And microplastics don't stop at the testes.

The same particles are showing up everywhere we look. Studies show 4.5x higher rate of heart attack, stroke, and death in people with microplastics in their arterial plaque vs. those without. Microplastics were also found in 100% of human placentas tested.

100% of post-mortem human brains tested positive for microplastics. Brain concentrations rose ~50% between 2016 and 2024, and now sit at roughly 11x the levels found in the liver or kidney.

Where do these come from?
+ PTFE, commonly in non-stick pans
+ PET, water bottles
+ Phthalates, makes plastic soft and bendy
+ BPA, can linings
+ PFAS, stain-resistant fabrics & food packaging

Inside the body, plastic causes a kind of cellular rust. It triggers inflammation in the testicles, kills the cells that make sperm and drops testosterone. It's been confirmed across 39 animal and cell studies, then in human data.

MY PROTOCOL:

Note, what I did is n=1, not a controlled trial, I cannot prove cause.

1. Sauna (dry). My toxin blood panel confirms sauna clears plastic related chemicals: BPA, phthalates, PFAS, flame retardants, pesticides. The plastic particles themselves are too big to sweat out directly. Heat may activate other clearance routes: bile flow through the liver, the cell's internal cleanup system, and the gut barrier. Humans have almost no enzymes that can break plastic apart, so the body has to physically push it out.

2. Reverse osmosis water filter. Drinking water is likely a major source of microplastic getting into your body. A reverse osmosis filter pushes water through a very tight membrane and strains the particles out. I filter everything I drink.

3. Trying to rid my environment of the big plastic items: cutting boards, cups, plates, food storage containers, non-stick pans, cling wrap, tea bags, water bottles, kitchen utensils, kettles, and synthetic clothing. Note, as hard as I try, I'm always finding new plastic things in my life. This can be all-consuming thing so try to just knock out the big ones.

I did all three interventions at the same time. I cannot say which one did the most work. What I can say is this: going from 165 to zero in 18 months is possible.

Results:
Nov 2024: 165 particles/mL
Jul 2025: 20 particles/mL
Apr 2026: 0 particles/mL

The 18 month window also captures roughly 7 full spermatogenesis cycles.