Lauren Blood

lieutenant daaan, ice cream

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

Fine, I’ll forgive my student loans. But I’ll never forget.

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

“Seasonal Affective Disorder…or, wait for it—SAD,” the medical marketer announced before his cue to *pause for laughter.*

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

When the electric fly swatter comes out I transform into both Serena and Venus Williams

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

Goldilocks? More like change ya locks.

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

There’s a 0% chance Ted Danson gives bad hugs

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

Just added “tortellini” to my list of potential future dog names and realized it’s the fourth pasta varietal I’m considering

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

Bouillon cubes are bath bombs for veggies, please don’t tell me otherwise

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

Adulthood is just a cycle of throwing away sad, wilted cilantro and replacing it with a fresh bunch of false hope

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

@OoshBeebs trumper aunt KAREN!

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

Mulan is a great reminder that friends who have an extra hair tie should never be taken for granted

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

But...but...are you sure? #RHOBH

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

anyone elses joints snap crack n pop like there’s no tomorrow??? my bones could easily drop the next soundtrack for a Rice Krispies commercial

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

breakfast for lunch is my religion

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

The Charmin Sacrifice: both the memoir title of the spider I just found in my bathtub, and an alarming motif for present-day society

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

Is the Tiger King phenomenon our version of the Roaring 20s? That really just sums things up

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

starting a home workout program called Flatten Yo Curves dm if interested

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

It’s quiet...too quiet... wait... can it be?? A lull in instagram challenges?????

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

ordering a drink at a bar post quarantine

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

nothing like binging a show to the point where you start noticing life changes in the credits — oh, look, executive producer Hannah got married in season 4, good for her

[Lauren Blood @loblood_]

Can I get a moment of silence for the *three* pairs of jeans I bought last weekend which won’t see the light for at least 43 days