LOGΛN LΛNCER

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Next I’m buying Coca-Cola to put the cocaine back in

[JakeWhyman @Jake_Whyman]

"Twitter Crop is gone?"

Ha! We'll see about that!!

[Grizzly Cub Network @GrizzlyCubNet]

Max Lancer with the 51 yd TD catch. Franklin up 48-21 over Martinsville.

[ena logged out @RAINBERRYROGUE]

normalize barking back at dogs when they bark at you

[Barstool Boilermakers @BarstoolPU]

its been 1,600 days since the last time iu beat purdue in basketball.

[Pat McAfee @PatMcAfeeShow]

Which one should my mom be more proud of

[Danny @DVN13L_]

White Claw tastes like you’re drinking tv static while someone screams the name of a fruit from another room.

[Colleen @Coll3enG]

if waffle house started serving alcohol they would become more powerful than amazon in roughly 6 weeks

[steven avocado @StevenAvocado]

When the world needed her most, she vanished

[Triple Threat @Queerxoxox]

my plans 2020

[sloane (sîpihkopiyesîs) 🇵🇸🇨🇩🇸🇩 @cottoncandaddy]

my favourite consequence of the covid-19 societal lockdown is aquarium penguins roaming around freely and when this is all over I for one welcome them as our new overlords

[Stan Lewis @StanLewis_]

Since aquariums are shut down, they let penguins wander around the place and it's honestly the news we need to see.

[LOGΛN LΛNCER @loganlancer]

@forakerb 4 wheel drive = 4 wheel braking!!! Quadruple the stopping power

[Jimmy John’s @jimmyjohns]

@netflix That was Freaky Fast!

[Netflix @netflix]

what’s something you can say during sex but also when you manage a brand twitter account?

[LOGΛN LΛNCER @loganlancer]

Sometimes when I miss my parents I log into their cable provider from college and change the TV channel to Spongebob just to remind them I’m still here and still exist solely to annoy them

[italia @italialunny]

my biggest flex to this day is that i picked a normal username for snapchat when i was 13

[LOGΛN LΛNCER @loganlancer]

My mom and I competing to see who can get the higher credit score is exactly the type of motivation i need in my life